Tuesday, November 30, 2010
NO no no
Stop it! It's not Nessa. Nessa's gone, we accept that, and move on. Whomever she says she is, it's a lie. She doesn't act like this, you all know it.
I just spent four days trying to help pacify all the issues I've been having, mentally and socially, then all of a sudden someone "POPS BACK UP FROM THE DEAD" You don't think that's connected?
It's an attempt to discredit me and drive me mad. I'm not falling for it, don't let it happen to you. Come on, what is she? Undead? Pfft, that's not the monster's style, guys. I asked Fizz enough about the actual incident that I don't think she's lying. So in summary. If you're reading this...You're not Nessa. No one is falling for it.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Repercussions
The police came by today, asking me if I knew of any incidents in the complex recently. I asked what they meant, apparently someone got attacked recently by an unknown assailant.
Yeah...that blood I had on my sword. Fortunately they were just asking the neighbors. Not too sure how good my lie was, but I referred them to the incident with Rika that I had. Even showed them the scab on my head where she banged me with that pipe.
The officer asked me why I hadn't reported it, I sheepishly made up an excuse that she was someone I had met on the internet, and was trying to 'hook up' with her. Apparently they bought it, and eventually went on their way.
Fuck, who did I hurt? What did I do?
God, I can't stand not knowing but if I go confess to the police, I'll miss my chance for vindication on the Solstice. I'm going to dispose of the blade, maybe bury it, I don't know. But my weapon has got to go! I hope that I had nothing to do with it, I *hope* that I cut the /construct/ with it, and not some poor person who had to fend off a deranged me.
I hope so
and as a mood breaker, I noticed this week that apparently my blog lacks credibility in the circles. Well I already started to fix that, getting rid of all that self delusional nonsense. However there's more to come.
I'm officially announcing that starting today, I'm a 26 yo Latina mother of 3, who has bouts of insanity leading her to believe she's stalked by a monster that isn't there, and then dies under mysterious circumstances.
Okay that was a cheap laugh on my end. I suppose I don't have the talent to write something like that.
Take care all. I'll keep posting.
Yeah...that blood I had on my sword. Fortunately they were just asking the neighbors. Not too sure how good my lie was, but I referred them to the incident with Rika that I had. Even showed them the scab on my head where she banged me with that pipe.
The officer asked me why I hadn't reported it, I sheepishly made up an excuse that she was someone I had met on the internet, and was trying to 'hook up' with her. Apparently they bought it, and eventually went on their way.
Fuck, who did I hurt? What did I do?
God, I can't stand not knowing but if I go confess to the police, I'll miss my chance for vindication on the Solstice. I'm going to dispose of the blade, maybe bury it, I don't know. But my weapon has got to go! I hope that I had nothing to do with it, I *hope* that I cut the /construct/ with it, and not some poor person who had to fend off a deranged me.
I hope so
and as a mood breaker, I noticed this week that apparently my blog lacks credibility in the circles. Well I already started to fix that, getting rid of all that self delusional nonsense. However there's more to come.
I'm officially announcing that starting today, I'm a 26 yo Latina mother of 3, who has bouts of insanity leading her to believe she's stalked by a monster that isn't there, and then dies under mysterious circumstances.
Okay that was a cheap laugh on my end. I suppose I don't have the talent to write something like that.
Take care all. I'll keep posting.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Real
I think I might be taking a few days off, things got so intense here for a bit. All sorts of people started showing up, people passed out titles like candy, and things got unbelievable.
I'm going to try to see through all these things I've said and considered over the last few weeks, to try to find the truth of the matter. There's truth in there somewhere, I just need to sift it out from the garbage.
First piece of garbage, Astral Projection - Yes I've tried to meditate, in hopes to figure out what to do, it's gotten me nowhere. It was a worthwhile thought, but its beyond me, you won't hear me mention it again. I regret the arrogance I had to even consider that I could do something that supernatural.
Second piece of business - Not necessarily garbage, but I want to talk about the titles we use. They're a symbol, that's a powerful thing, but that's all they are. It's a representation of what we want to see, but we're also seeing a lot of them now, and to be fair, I've doled out a few myself, because I felt someone needed to see themselves more than just a scared Runner, fleeing a monstrosity. However, having so many people out there, donning monikers like superheroes sort of dilutes the concept. So while I am still here, for a few more weeks, I'm going to stop using all of them, in hopes maybe others will do the same.
Third piece of business - Conduits. This isn't an attack on anyone, Will, but I wanted to voice my thoughts on it. I admit, I've got good luck, heck, I named my blog after that belief! But the idea of super powers, tapping into either the monster's power, or our own or whatever, maybe that's not as real as I've thought it is. Don't delude yourself into thinking you can do more than you can. I do feel we have potential to do more than what we see before us! But let's not lie to ourselves more than we need to, to survive a monster. If you really can do something, sure, whatever, I can't verify it, and if I assume you're lying to me, well maybe I won't bring it up anymore.
Fourth piece of business - The Solstice, it still stands. I'm still going to believe in this, and in Robert's analysis. It may lead to nothing, probably won't hear from me again. Doesn't matter. I'm losing screws daily now.
Fifth piece of business - Greenlight. Don't care if he's mad or not, he's my friend, and I have to merit his words, even if he's never been anything more than a man lost in his own mind. The lesson here, is to judge for yourself what is real and what is not. I can't tell you what's real. Let your own common sense flow. Now, as an alternative advocate's point of view, words still have power. This is a major premise of the Core Theory.
I'm going to use a lot more discretion before I start voicing theories from now on, because I haven't guarded my tongue, and look where that got us?
Sixth piece of business - As such, I have to revoke the promise of full disclosure. I am sorry, I really am, but I've been a fool these last few weeks, talking about things with such candor.
Seventh piece of business - I think I've accidentally, in this....grotesque mockery of life that I've been a part of lately, I think I've accidentally pushed people away from me that I respect. I won't name names, but I will say now, that I hope to set myself right, explore this mythos in the proper way from now on, without comments that envision superheroics and impossible goals. So to those of you, who I have hoped to......garner a sense of approval from, I am deeply sorry.
Last piece of business - Attitudes. I'm unsure about this. I know that we're less afraid of him, at least those that are sort of 'in the circle' as it were. But do not be stupid about it. I think we need to dial back our 'let's kick him in the junk' comments. Enthusiasm is very good, but not to the point of reckless suicide. Most of us are afraid, and it is alright to be afraid. I said this before, but noone seemed to hear me. It's alright to be afraid, it lets you know you're still sane,
As for me, I'm considering leaving this hideout and seeing if my apartment's still there. I need to sort out what's real, and that means shedding some of this paranoia. Watchfulness will remain, however. I'm not going to go out and 'derp derp derp, tall guy watching me, herp derp'. I am going to go home, and find some reality in my life, maybe even watch TV for the first time in a month.
I ask you all to examine your lives, toss aside the delusions you may have, without a word of acknowledgment and continue on your paths.
Thank you for reading
Zero
M, Zeke, and the ones I consider friends whom I have never met. I'm straightening things up today, I hope I can make one of you proud.
I'm going to try to see through all these things I've said and considered over the last few weeks, to try to find the truth of the matter. There's truth in there somewhere, I just need to sift it out from the garbage.
First piece of garbage, Astral Projection - Yes I've tried to meditate, in hopes to figure out what to do, it's gotten me nowhere. It was a worthwhile thought, but its beyond me, you won't hear me mention it again. I regret the arrogance I had to even consider that I could do something that supernatural.
Second piece of business - Not necessarily garbage, but I want to talk about the titles we use. They're a symbol, that's a powerful thing, but that's all they are. It's a representation of what we want to see, but we're also seeing a lot of them now, and to be fair, I've doled out a few myself, because I felt someone needed to see themselves more than just a scared Runner, fleeing a monstrosity. However, having so many people out there, donning monikers like superheroes sort of dilutes the concept. So while I am still here, for a few more weeks, I'm going to stop using all of them, in hopes maybe others will do the same.
Third piece of business - Conduits. This isn't an attack on anyone, Will, but I wanted to voice my thoughts on it. I admit, I've got good luck, heck, I named my blog after that belief! But the idea of super powers, tapping into either the monster's power, or our own or whatever, maybe that's not as real as I've thought it is. Don't delude yourself into thinking you can do more than you can. I do feel we have potential to do more than what we see before us! But let's not lie to ourselves more than we need to, to survive a monster. If you really can do something, sure, whatever, I can't verify it, and if I assume you're lying to me, well maybe I won't bring it up anymore.
Fourth piece of business - The Solstice, it still stands. I'm still going to believe in this, and in Robert's analysis. It may lead to nothing, probably won't hear from me again. Doesn't matter. I'm losing screws daily now.
Fifth piece of business - Greenlight. Don't care if he's mad or not, he's my friend, and I have to merit his words, even if he's never been anything more than a man lost in his own mind. The lesson here, is to judge for yourself what is real and what is not. I can't tell you what's real. Let your own common sense flow. Now, as an alternative advocate's point of view, words still have power. This is a major premise of the Core Theory.
I'm going to use a lot more discretion before I start voicing theories from now on, because I haven't guarded my tongue, and look where that got us?
Sixth piece of business - As such, I have to revoke the promise of full disclosure. I am sorry, I really am, but I've been a fool these last few weeks, talking about things with such candor.
Seventh piece of business - I think I've accidentally, in this....grotesque mockery of life that I've been a part of lately, I think I've accidentally pushed people away from me that I respect. I won't name names, but I will say now, that I hope to set myself right, explore this mythos in the proper way from now on, without comments that envision superheroics and impossible goals. So to those of you, who I have hoped to......garner a sense of approval from, I am deeply sorry.
Last piece of business - Attitudes. I'm unsure about this. I know that we're less afraid of him, at least those that are sort of 'in the circle' as it were. But do not be stupid about it. I think we need to dial back our 'let's kick him in the junk' comments. Enthusiasm is very good, but not to the point of reckless suicide. Most of us are afraid, and it is alright to be afraid. I said this before, but noone seemed to hear me. It's alright to be afraid, it lets you know you're still sane,
As for me, I'm considering leaving this hideout and seeing if my apartment's still there. I need to sort out what's real, and that means shedding some of this paranoia. Watchfulness will remain, however. I'm not going to go out and 'derp derp derp, tall guy watching me, herp derp'. I am going to go home, and find some reality in my life, maybe even watch TV for the first time in a month.
I ask you all to examine your lives, toss aside the delusions you may have, without a word of acknowledgment and continue on your paths.
Thank you for reading
Zero
M, Zeke, and the ones I consider friends whom I have never met. I'm straightening things up today, I hope I can make one of you proud.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
what words
i'm questioning my own sanity tonight
i see all these blog entries, all these comments, and 'truth'
and i wonder what is real anymore.\
\god\\
titles, predictions, binary
we're all so dead, we are, i dcant tell anymore
wanted to write you all a nice story today, about all sorts of things
what the fuck is a title
astral palen
here i am musing in a cellar, alone
i cant trust myself, and redlight points out so much
pulling someone back from despair with kind words,
speaking binary
astral plane
fighting off thirty agents
people that are killers
everything feels so heavy, the air si thick
self delusion, the same damn thing i've complaind about since day one\
but if the monster's real, can't we be real too
are we just making things up
let us lookbak today
M - on the run, gave us rules, madness, symbols, running always
JAF - a dark mind, insanity, murder
zeke - zeke... wanted to fight back, to kill him
a story changes here
jay - analyze hallowed, mad scientist
shaun - almost converted
robert -....analysis, metaphysical
story changes
now
astral energy
psychic powers
lots of death
unrealism
fighting
prophesy
titles
so surreal
are we all crazy
maybe just me
yeah
definitely me
binary gives me a migraine
why would we speak in binary
language of computers not real
how can I read it?
fucking language shifts, hurts my head
redlight didn't even need to say it
its true
i'm insane
don't trust me
never shoudlve
maybe in my dreams
i'll think i was sane
and did something
life's a fraud.
i don't even think theres a monster
just that need to be someone
fucking titles
conduits
guns
this shit cant be real
energy, luck
got to bring myself back
somehow
stop letting these damn delusions kill me
you're kill ing me
every fucking post
every update where you're conquering evil with no fear
who the fuck has no fear against pure evil
you can't be real
i fear him, if he's real
if not
i guess ifear myself
stupid
damn fool
stupid plans, everything stupid
maybe not all
some of it
yeah
tell me you're fucking real, i mean prove it
letting imagination go wild
greenlight, not even there
is this all my fault
my speculations
drove people mad
at least me
yes
it has to be me
oh save us zero sage, you can make shit up better than anyone
dunno what the fuck i've done
i did drink something though
something strange
yeah, i've got a package at home, if its still home
vials were in it
from b
yeah
B
B is real
or just as insane
hope he didn't hurt her
but that was real
and i went to the hospital
maybe it is real
but maybe we need to pull ourselves in
yeah
thats it
it's all real but we have to
be believed
maybe it's all still something, you know?
everyone
don't admit your mistakes, its fine
we just have to be real now
reign ourselves in,
it's really alright, i know why
it makes sense
Yeah...it does, I think I get it now. Our imaginations run wild, we want to express how we're going to stop him, to defy...
that really does damage him, even if it's not true. but we have got to show our fear. i'm alone here, the weight of shadows down upon me, and i am afraid. it's fine
we have to be real, otherwise the story won't stick, you see?
Fuck it, I'm keeping my title, I earned it
keep yours, just keep it real
we're a belief guys, we're still strong
and i'll still fight on the solstice, even if its not all real
course then i'll check into the nut house if its not, but whatever
Right now, we're all real
Yeah, it's hard sometimes to admit the truth, you don't need to. I will though
I think I hurt someone the other day, I don't know who. I think that was blood on my blade. No cops, so I don't know. Just guessing.
I'll be fine, you will be too.
Still ashamed that Nessa fell back, but maybe she never really came out. But she proved it can be overcome, I think.
Chin up, keep yourselves real.
Still got a battle to fight.
I think.
So damn confused
i see all these blog entries, all these comments, and 'truth'
and i wonder what is real anymore.\
\god\\
titles, predictions, binary
we're all so dead, we are, i dcant tell anymore
wanted to write you all a nice story today, about all sorts of things
what the fuck is a title
astral palen
here i am musing in a cellar, alone
i cant trust myself, and redlight points out so much
pulling someone back from despair with kind words,
speaking binary
astral plane
fighting off thirty agents
people that are killers
everything feels so heavy, the air si thick
self delusion, the same damn thing i've complaind about since day one\
but if the monster's real, can't we be real too
are we just making things up
let us lookbak today
M - on the run, gave us rules, madness, symbols, running always
JAF - a dark mind, insanity, murder
zeke - zeke... wanted to fight back, to kill him
a story changes here
jay - analyze hallowed, mad scientist
shaun - almost converted
robert -....analysis, metaphysical
story changes
now
astral energy
psychic powers
lots of death
unrealism
fighting
prophesy
titles
so surreal
are we all crazy
maybe just me
yeah
definitely me
binary gives me a migraine
why would we speak in binary
language of computers not real
how can I read it?
fucking language shifts, hurts my head
redlight didn't even need to say it
its true
i'm insane
don't trust me
never shoudlve
maybe in my dreams
i'll think i was sane
and did something
life's a fraud.
i don't even think theres a monster
just that need to be someone
fucking titles
conduits
guns
this shit cant be real
energy, luck
got to bring myself back
somehow
stop letting these damn delusions kill me
you're kill ing me
every fucking post
every update where you're conquering evil with no fear
who the fuck has no fear against pure evil
you can't be real
i fear him, if he's real
if not
i guess ifear myself
stupid
damn fool
stupid plans, everything stupid
maybe not all
some of it
yeah
tell me you're fucking real, i mean prove it
letting imagination go wild
greenlight, not even there
is this all my fault
my speculations
drove people mad
at least me
yes
it has to be me
oh save us zero sage, you can make shit up better than anyone
dunno what the fuck i've done
i did drink something though
something strange
yeah, i've got a package at home, if its still home
vials were in it
from b
yeah
B
B is real
or just as insane
hope he didn't hurt her
but that was real
and i went to the hospital
maybe it is real
but maybe we need to pull ourselves in
yeah
thats it
it's all real but we have to
be believed
maybe it's all still something, you know?
everyone
don't admit your mistakes, its fine
we just have to be real now
reign ourselves in,
it's really alright, i know why
it makes sense
Yeah...it does, I think I get it now. Our imaginations run wild, we want to express how we're going to stop him, to defy...
that really does damage him, even if it's not true. but we have got to show our fear. i'm alone here, the weight of shadows down upon me, and i am afraid. it's fine
we have to be real, otherwise the story won't stick, you see?
Fuck it, I'm keeping my title, I earned it
keep yours, just keep it real
we're a belief guys, we're still strong
and i'll still fight on the solstice, even if its not all real
course then i'll check into the nut house if its not, but whatever
Right now, we're all real
Yeah, it's hard sometimes to admit the truth, you don't need to. I will though
I think I hurt someone the other day, I don't know who. I think that was blood on my blade. No cops, so I don't know. Just guessing.
I'll be fine, you will be too.
Still ashamed that Nessa fell back, but maybe she never really came out. But she proved it can be overcome, I think.
Chin up, keep yourselves real.
Still got a battle to fight.
I think.
So damn confused
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Defcon 3
All bloggers/Runners are advised to seek shelter immediately, and have emergency gear readied, Shit's going down again. Recommend that all Runners find good weapons, and a safe place, with net/phone access. Have emergency info standing by. I'm set to weather this storm.
Do not answer doors, unless you're absolutely SURE who it is, and they're not Hallowed. Even so, keep your weapons handy.
Gather extra batteries for flashlights.
Good luck, all.
edit: Things have died down here, anyone else starting to get clear?
good work so far, maybe this Defcon thing is a good idea.
update:Made it to Thanksgiving, blacked out more than I'd like. Nothing else to report. May be quiet for a day or two.
Do not answer doors, unless you're absolutely SURE who it is, and they're not Hallowed. Even so, keep your weapons handy.
Gather extra batteries for flashlights.
Good luck, all.
edit: Things have died down here, anyone else starting to get clear?
good work so far, maybe this Defcon thing is a good idea.
update:Made it to Thanksgiving, blacked out more than I'd like. Nothing else to report. May be quiet for a day or two.
She lives
edit: more useless banter, Nessa never came back really, she was allowed to pretend as such to taunt us. The power of fucking dreams is a joke, greenlight was insane, But the song is good at least, so this post isn't a total waste.
She lives...Nessa...somehow she fought it off, for now at least...I cannot imagine the strength of will she must have summoned. Thank you Greenlight, and all you others who have helped pull her from the brink
One thing's for sure, Skinny's going to be LIVID. Everyone get your total guard up, to avoid any repeats of yesterday.
You all need to hear this, by our Minstrel.
Resolve
more: later
She lives...Nessa...somehow she fought it off, for now at least...I cannot imagine the strength of will she must have summoned. Thank you Greenlight, and all you others who have helped pull her from the brink
One thing's for sure, Skinny's going to be LIVID. Everyone get your total guard up, to avoid any repeats of yesterday.
You all need to hear this, by our Minstrel.
Resolve
more: later
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