Conversations with ole Blankity-Blank

edit: Another prime example of arrogance, look how my guard is down all throughout this blog,  The fucking monster is outside as I type, and I'm talking about an asian girl's ass.   However, in my defense,  it WAS a nice ass.  I can say that now because there's no monsters at my window.   This is the key point where shit goes sour.  If this was a rollercoaster, this is the point where the coaster goes off the fucking track, and takes a god damn nose dive into the cotton candy booth, and someone pops their head up with a beard and wig made of pink cotton.  Except with insanity.

I took some time first to calm down before posting.  Even perused the blog comments, reading new material, new problems, it helped me keep focused a bit, as opposed to oh....screaming at the computer, typing venomous F-Bomb laden language as I frothed at the mouth in fury.

So firstly, if this cuts off early, it's because Fatboy Slim is doing his best impression of a reprobate outside.  Of course I can't figure out why he ends up clicking 'Publish Post', but that's his deal,. not mine.

I've been taking catnaps lately, trying to keep from being vulnerable for too long, as well as do a bit of cardio.  I've never been overly athletic....except with the ladies

>:)
> :)
>:)


okay that was cheesy as hell, but it's a cheap laugh right?

Slendy thinks it's funny, I can see him laughing.

Wait, no, It's more of unbridled hatred.  Ehh close enough.

So anyway I woke up from my afternoon nap staring at an all too familiar hideousness before me.

My own face.

I was staring into the bathroom mirror, with a steak knife in my hand, and a cut on my wrist.

Son of a bitch tried to off me in my sleep?  Can he do that?  Fucking cheap shot, Jace No-Face.

I forgot to tie that rope around my foot, to aid against sleepwalking, and look where it got me.  So all sharp knives have been pitched.  It was an eclectic group, and I mourn for the steaks I shall have to pass by without them, but better them than me.

The cut's not bad really, it's off to the inside, too far to hit a vein, doesn't really impede my typing either, so it's a lucky break.  I used some super glue and wrapped a makeshift bandage around it, after disinfectant, which hurt worse than the cut, I swear.  What the hell is in that stuff, the tears of a thousand damned?

Right, less Dennis Miller ranting, more daily horror.

Knock on the door about an hour ago.  I check the peephole.  Noone I know, but is cute, so I guardedly open the door, the chain still on.

Me>>>May I help you?
Cutie>>>My car battery is dead, my neighbor said you had some jumper cables?

She sort of swayed in the spot...cute, as I said before.

Me>>> Oh sure! I can help with that.

I've had several issues with dead batteries in my older car, I've had to have several neighbors help me out, so good karma for being able to assist.

I got my jacket on and went outside.

Yeah, distracted, I know, I know, but cute girl.

Let me describe her a bit.

Firstly, she was sort of exotic looking, like maybe part Asian, part Spanish, big bright brown eyes, high cheekbones, a bit short.  She wore a jean jacket with a backpack, and a matching hat that had some little buttons on it.  Some bright green shirt with something on it, I couldn't tell, and I certainly wasn't going to stare at her chest.  (In retrospect, probably should've)

Okay, focus Zero.

So, I get outside, and I leave my implements of improvised destruction behind.  I decide it's better to not threaten the girl with a cudgel or fire extinguisher until I know her better.  Besides, already had a neighbor see me half nekkid in the cold shouting into the night sky.  No need for the police again.

I tell her that the cables are in my car, take three steps and WHACK.

Fuck you, B.  You didn't tell me Rika was cute.  That's important info dude.  Maybe you only saw the psycho hose beast side.

I'm reeling against the staircase to the second floor, and spin around, and there's a pipe in her hands, she says something, and I scramble away, to shake the cobwebs out.

Me>> What the hell?
Her>>  I'm not letting you walk away...
Me>>  Aww fuck.
Me>>  Rika?

She takes a swing at me, I dart back against the wall, she hits the staircase, bong!  It rattles her hands, I grab at the pipe and hold on.

Rika>> No solstice for you, you stupid little
Me>>  I'm anything but little, girly.

I know, right? I fucking said that, a come-on, in the middle of a fight.  But I really meant that I was taller than her, and I'm not a small guy in stature.  I'm not even going 'there',  too many damn slash fics as it is.

I use my strength to my advantage, and wrestle it away from her.

Me>>  Okay, so now what?  Huh?  You going to scamper away or go for round two.
Rika>>  You're dead.
Me>>  Eventually, we all are.
Rika>>  I'll drag you before him, and you'll wish you were dead.
Me>>  ...

I take a moment to try to be witty

Me>>  Air and opportunity, baby.

She lunges, I defend.  She falls over, tripping on my foot, and face down.

I swing with the pipe...

and freeze.

no slendy magic
I just can't...
I can't hit her


Motherfucking Chivalry



I was raised that any man that hurts any woman is scum, and I couldn't do it.

She sees me, pauses, then runs off.

I'd be lying if I didn't look at her rump.  Purely for scientific purposes, I assure you.

ahem

Dat Ass

So, a bit later, I see Jack Skellington outside, grooving to the sound of traffic not fifteen feet away.

My second real encounter with him.

I regard him from inside the apartment, all doors nice and locked, all windows and such barricaded.  I look back

I hear him

Noodle-Kaboodle>>  Come outside

Okay...I think, Do I want to go Zeke with the response and just say 'Fuck You'?    Eventually I decide on a Rick O'Connell


I grasp my sword, unsheath it and gaze back

Me>>  I'll be seeing you again....