This Mortal Coil

I don't understand it.

I found myself on the ground.

I don't know why.

But I need to clear my thoughts.

I need to write.

Here

Why I am I still here?

Why won't I just stay dead?

Zero Hour

That's right.  I made a joke in my last blog title. =D

     So today is a big day for everyone involved, my friends.  It's been a long, strange journey I've been in, these last few weeks, and months.  In retrospect, I can't help but feel amazed at how much has happened to me since September of this year.

     Before I get onto the meat of this post ie: my battle plan, I just want to thank everyone who has visited my blog, for good or for ill.  It's an interesting feeling to know that somewhere out there, people like myself have chosen to read my thoughts, hopes and personal events.  It's an amazing sense.  So, from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you all.

     Now, we get to the battle I'm setting up.  I'm sure I've been overly cryptic about some of this.  I do apologize for that, but as you'll soon see, the need for discretion will be apparent.

First Step

     The first part of the plan is the timing.  You might have heard by now that today has a lunar eclipse, possibly a blood moon!  I can't tell you whether this will have a positive or negative effect on our foe, however it certainly makes the day more special.  When I was being carted via ambulance to St. Vee's, I was apparently in ecstasy, (the religious definition, not the sexual) since I was screaming about the Solstice.  I can only hope that this day, today, does have meaning.

Second Step

     This is where things get tricky.  As you might remember, I've asked some of you to come attend the Solstice with me.  Some of you have volunteered on your own accord.  However, only some of you know where I will be.  I am not going to say who, because this is an important element of the plan.  I will confirm that a few people are coming along for the ride.  I am being mostly vague, because of stage three of my plan.  This is where I give you all some homework.

Third Step

     I've said before, that you are the key to victory.  You always have been.  What I need you all to do is simply write a story about what happens.  It's that simple.  I've given instructions to the people who are attending the Event to elaborate and romanticize the entire deal, to let fantasy add its mark to the fight.  All of you readers who are not attending, I will ask you, as well, to write a story.  Tell in your own words what you think happens.
     So now that I've intentionally shed confusion on most observers, everyone has a more equal amount of credibility for writing.  As I said, some of you said you're coming, but do not have the address I am at.  Some of you, I spoke to but have not alluded to showing.  Others are just reading this now, and have never left their homes.  It's because of this unreliable narrator quality, we can discuss on equal terms what happens.

     Why should you do this for me?  Because this is how we kill the monster.  We, as a blogosphere, discuss, critique, and solidify a story of this Event, enough that we can agree and deem it canon.  It doesn't matter what is true within it or not.  The point is that we progress further into the chain of events, advancing another rung closer to killing the Slender Man.  In a literal sense, I am putting my life on the line, that you readers and bloggers can come together to give a cohesive answer as to the happenings today.

     Before I continue, I'd like to set up the bullet points for this story.

1. The story must have a protagonist.  It does not need to be me.  I actually encourage you all to create your Hero for this story.  If you must, you may name the Hero, but I strongly suggest you use Amelia's name as often as you use mine.  I do not want this to seem like I am asking for you to give me an overly dramatic heroic last stand.  The Hero is just a stand-in for each of us, nothing more.  I'd also suggest avoiding overly dramatic self-insertion tactics to make yourself be the star of the show.  Writing yourself in as a trite Mary Sue asskicker to 'win' this story will only doom its credibility.
2.  The Hero fights the monster in an actual battle, not just gets gutted immediately.  This may be less realistic than what will actually happen, but this is a story, and therefore immune to reality as much as the monster is.
3. I like the idea of the monster getting a wound.  I am hoping that if you guys find something you can all agree to, something you can see happening as canon, then maybe that will affect him as such.  I've got little preference, whether it's a sword slash to the face, or a cut off tentacle.  Whatever, it's your call, not mine.
4. The Monster does not die.  We cannot kill him with this story, but we can weaken him.  That is the entire point of this exercise.
5. The Hero disappears in a vague manner.  No need for an unhappy ending, but we can't kill the monster via this story, so we make do with a bittersweet ending of some sort.

     What I am hoping is that we can kick the Tulpa Effect into gear with this gambit.   We manifest our thoughts as one, as you people read each others suggestions of the story, discuss concepts and ideals, then come together to finalize the story as one.  When we discuss things of this nature, and hear of it from other sources, it helps solidify the concept, if not the details.  This is the way we created him, it's the way we hinder him.
     I've outright said that this will not kill the monster.  It will not, but it CAN reduce his strength.  Hopefully to a more tolerable level of evil, one that can be dealt with easier.  I've got a vague idea that perhaps the Hallowed involved have a chance of their control being broken as well.  I'm not as certain about this.  Let's call it a hunch.
     I suppose technically I don't need to even leave my house for this concept to work at its basest form.  However I feel there needs to be a personal attachment to the people writing the story.  If we're not invested in it, it's not going to work.  Plus, if today really has any meaning, I want to personally take advantage of it.

     As for my personal expectations, I plan to confront him within the clearing near where I grew up.  Trees align one side, with a small hill nearby, which is perfect for observing.  Amelia and I will wait for him to appear, with Hallowed or without.  As you might have noticed from my hidden clue, I have some help against proxies.  I am also bringing with me a few meme items.  I'd say I had twenty dollars, but I'm not interested in him leaving me alone.  I'd rather have him stay and end this battle.  So that said, I am bringing a rabbit's foot, my best dice and a monster mask, a concept borrowed from Maduin.   I also hope that I can get one more 'meme' in the battle, for the sole purpose of gallows humor.  Since I have a blade, I'd like to see if the Slender Man can survive being divided by Zero.  =D

     Ha ha, yes another joke.  I do have my stun gun on me, fully charged.  I hope I will have an opportunity to stab him with the blade, then electrocute it with my taser.  I can't guarantee that however.  I've listened to Hosozukuri's gorgeous music, Resolve time and time again.  I can hear it in my mind now, it may not have been meant for me alone, but it has become precious to me.  I never thanked her properly for her music.  I will not get the chance now.

Lastly, I did promise you I would deliver a picture or two before my departure.

My blade.  It's possibly just a piece of crap, but I am endeared to it.  I won a trial of
spirit to win this prize.  I ask for it to guide me through this next trial.

My Mask.  Originally I felt that I was destined for the role of the Warrior, back when

 I believed that our Titles were a grander thing than mere words.  I suppose it wasn't so bad.

I trust in Maduin's belief of a second 'layer' of personality to help guard me from mental attacks.
It also allows me a hair more focus, to accept my fate at his hands.   I cut the eye
holes out further than what you see here, since visibility is paramount.

And so I leave you today.  A man in search of answers he cannot find, with the hope
that one of you will find it for him.  I accept my role as a mere pawn, moving down
the chess board.  A sacrifice against the Black King.  One needed however
for victory.  You'll win this fight, I know it.

Take care, my friends.  Amelia, Maduin, Jeff, Shaun, Robert, EE, SS, Fizzbomb, Vieve, Hoso

and the rest of the crew.

Bang.

Frozen

gotta keep moving
so damn cold out

leg's aching, been bit again
all stiff, frozen
shadows keep moving

they keep mMoving

cant worm uip
need to go

Confession

Well folks, I have something I need to tell you about while I'm all nice and lucid, only quite tired.  Two things actually.

First off, I've already written my last post, in a little binder, with instructions on it how to log into my account.  I have asked that this be posted on Solstice Day, in case I lose my wits before then.  What this also says is, unfortunately, you will not know if I am really still around before my fight.  You will have to trust me, as you have in the past.  I felt I needed to mention this to you guys, since you've stuck with me for so long.  Thank you for all your well wishing and comments, I really really have appreciated everything.  Even the trolls.

Sort of funny that a guy who started out posting about being lost in life has turned around in just a few months...


Okay, now for something I really didn't want to talk about, but I felt you guys needed to know.

Nessa.



I should tell you what happened with her.  You see, she showed up at my door that day, looking like hell itself warmed over.  Another cute girl in distress.  Another mistake.  I guardedly told her to show her hands, and to lay down on the floor face down, if she really wished to talk.  My stun gun was at the ready, hidden from her sight.  She complied, making no motions to attack me or incapacitate me.  Granted, it was a stupid trusting move on my part, but I've failed her before, and that got to me.

We talked for a bit.  I could see how...hopeless she had become.  Distraught, gloom.  If she were wearing black, I'd have called her an emo.

Stupid defense mechanism.

She asked me for help.  I had none to give her.  She screamed at me, and stood, begging me for a cure to a poison I had no hope of holding.  When I held out my hands to show that I had no cure, she called me a coward.  And then

she asked for death.

I'm not a killer, despite what I may have done in desperation, or insanity, I always felt that I was meant to be a healer.  One with issues, but still, my overall goal is to help people.  I refused to hurt her.  She produced a firearm, and yelled at me again.  Now, I'm no psychologist, but I knew that one of us was going to be shot within moments, if I didn't do something stupid.  So I agreed.

I took the firearm, whispered an apology to her, tears coming down my cheeks.  She sunk down onto her knees, as I leveled the weapon at her, my hand shaking.  She didn't even have a chance to see me taze her.

I couldn't take her life.  Not after she came to me for help.  So I made a call.  You see, there's someone I've been talking to who has a certain interest in agents, or hallowed.  He came to town to talk to me, to convince me to change my goals.  He has a way out.

So I called him, and he showed.  Nessa started to stir, so I took her out of the equation again.  The battery on the stun gun was mostly depleted, by this point as the thin man with the ruddy red hoodie appeared at my door.  He was unkempt, his teeth browned and somewhat rotted, his clothes ratty, his hood pulled low over his eyes, and had a snide look on his face as I let him enter.  I knew he wasn't the sort to jump me.  He has different goals.

Me>>>  Well....I never thought I'd meet you.
Stranger>>>  Who says you haven't before?  So you've changed your mind?
Me>>> No, no I'm going through with it.
Stranger>>> It's all madness.  You're just as much a fool as I was once.
Me>>>  Perhaps.  But I think I know a few things.
Stranger>>>  They're all lies.  Every last one.  But did you call me here to play at intrigue, or did you have a purpose?
Me>>>  I've had a purpose for three months now.  I daresay you lost yours about that time.
Stranger>>>  Ohhh...
He stepped through my abode, looking around.
Stranger>>>  Don't try to guess at me.
Me>>>  It keeps me busy.
Me>>> Anyway....I have someone for you.  For you to take.
Stranger>>>  You think I'm a delivery expert?
Me>>>  I think you'll want to see her....It's Nessa...you have an interest in her, don't you?
His eyes light up, a hideous twinkle.
Stranger>>> Well, this is unexpected.  Yes, I can take her.
Me>>>   I can't believe I'm doing this, handing her off to you.  I mean...there's nothing to prove that you won't just kill her or abuse her.
The Stranger lifted his hand, dirt on his palm.
Stranger>>> I'm not interested in hurting her, or even you.  So you can stop handling that weapon so aggressively.  I simply want this to end.
Me>>>  Strange occurances make strange bedfellows.  I guess I have to trust you on that.  You'll give her a good life?
Stranger>>>  The life she leads is up to her,
Me>>>  Well...as good a chance as anyone, then.

I showed him to where I had her restrained, unconscious.  As an agnostic, I whispered a bitter prayer for her hope and life, as the man picked her up.

Me>>> Can you really do it?
He paused.
Me>>> Can you really make people forget?
The Stranger chuckled softly.
Stranger>>>  I've done this a few times.
He tapped the side of his head.
Stranger>>>  It's a better life for them, to have them forget.
Me>>>  I see....goodbye then.  I hope not to see you again.
Stranger>>>  Ohh...don't hurt my feelings now.  I'm sure I'll see you again soon.


And that's the story.

I gave Nessa to Redlight. and I had no choice.

Suffocation

I push my hands unto the wall to steady myself, to keep myself at ease.  My legs grow numb, and my health fades.  My stomach curls up into itself ready to devour me from the inside, lest I eat.  As I stand and ponder, gazing out over the unfortunate...the other unfortunates during this cold, bitter season, I close my eyes.

My feet are cold, numbed.  Should've bought new boots.  And as I wait for a meal to arrive, i feel my hands sink into the stone, like putty or gelatin.  I stare in marvel at the oddity as my body starts to meld into the stone.  I cannot shift my weight away, I am not being pulled.  I am simply falling. 

When my face touches the stone, it molds around me, capturing my breath.  I cannot breathe here.  My scrapes and wounds from the fights I've been in throb.  The bites on my legs.  My head aches, and face.  A knife is stabbed into my ribs, if I did not know better.  And I do not.  I am blind, unable to move, but only to feel.  My lungs burn, as I gasp for breath.  I cannot see but I know my sight dims again.  Blood...My blood is frozen.  I can feel it again.

The world fades, my vision narrows, and a rushing sound fills my ears.  I feel myself shift, my legs buckle and I move.  I do not know how.  I fall and see light, air hesitantly tests my lungs as I find myself on the floor, gazing at a ceiling.

I am asked if I need help.  I do not know the answer.  I feel a great weight upon me, still crushing me, like a mantle made of lead.

I look for the adversary, and do not see him.  I do not see his work.  I only see the unfortunates.  I should not let bad things happen to them.  I do not know if I can.

Surrealism at its finest

As I sit here, at Wheeler Mission, which I did not expect to have Wi-Fi.  I took a good look around me a bit ago.  It's not quite the desolate place one'd expect of a shelter for those who are homeless...or those on the run from monsters.

I've been quietly playing with Nessa's phone, browsing the web through it.  I've got a charger for it, so no worries there.  However it's Tourette's inducing cold outside, even with both of my great coats on, it's still uncomfortable.  And by Tourette's, I mean that when the wind picks up and you're hustling inside, you unconsciously scream out something akin to, "FUCK, IT'S COLD!"    So now that I've explained the joke that didn't need it, I'll pick up with my activities lately.

First, yes indeed, I have been trolling the blogs lately.  It's my way to unwind, and somewhat comforting to have companions in all this mess.  Granted, I would rather you all weren't in this bind with me, but if you weren't, I couldn't talk to you about it, could I?

Been looking around the people here...too many damn kids out here.  Sort of scared that he'll show and want a few of them, so   vigilance, i guess.  Anyway, no sign of that Runner I saw before, no operator symbols either.  The bite mark on my leg is healing.

oh right, that shit...

I was wanting to draw one of those things for you, Maduin, like you asked.  Uhm...it's not happening.

I keep drawing one and having issues with it.  It's like the shit is coming off the page at me when I draw it.  Just dissipates when I hit it, but...well I don't want to draw it.  I did doodle some slendy pics the other day, while i was bored.  didn't really seem to do anything for or against me, in terms of sanity.  So, that's a no go for me.  I think maybe since he's got different tactics for people, maybe he wants something different for all of us?  The ones he wants to take, he slowly gives them the ole mindscrew.  Those of us who run, either get him on our tail, or agents.  

Just a thought.

Also, I'm worried Amelia....fuck I almost said nessa...then melody.   It's getting hard to remember names sometimes.  I'm worried Amelia's not going to get here in time.  I wish she'd let me know whats up.  Granted, i'm hanging out in a shelter, so it's not that great of a thing to have her here yet, but i'd rather have her around.  It's been very comforting to talk to her, as little as we have.  Nice to know I can rely on a few people.  You know?  

And yes I know half of you are going to post that I can rely on you guys too.  Thanks, Jean, Vieve, EE, and Jeff, and whomever else.  :D

Though i can't trust any of you corrupted guys.  I can't get hurt like that again.

Fat guy over here's taking way too much interest in my typing.  Better not have to taze fatty to keep him off me.  that's right fat boy, i'm talking to you.


and he's gone. good.

Oh, right the post title.

So after a hard day of being chased by whatever the fuck those things are.  You know, i think i'll just call em green things, bastards need a name.  Anyway...I was thinking about the real death of the monster, you know?

We've talked about this before, you and I.  And I said that we won't kill him till all the vlogs and stuff get shut down, which might not be the case now that I think about it.

I'll put this in terms of you guys who think this is a fun little game we play, because i'd rather you keep thinking of it like that.

okay, let's say we made this as a game.  which you know, it was at the start.  SA forums, or w/e,  never really been there.  Okay so we make up these fucked up stories about the monster, and it takes off.  Then boom, he's real.  Tulpa effect for the loss.

Now for those people who see this as a game, might think that some of this shit is stupid as hell.  the magic powers, the small armies and the action movie logs.  Right.  I find some of that hard to believe too, but this is the world in which we live, unless we're fucking hallucinating again.  which i am not.  currently.

so anyhoo, the guys...fuck, i'll call them gamers, even though i am one.  The gamers see our posts and call BS on it.  Which i would too if it weren't real.  but really that's the way to kill the monster, i think.  We destroy 'the game'.  As stupid as that sounds, yes, maybe we need to mock and goof around with the idea of being stalked by a murderous alien psychopath, until it becomes cliche, and lame. 

So, for the outsiders point of view.  we're playing a game, we want to win by not having to play the game, but can't give up.  So we dilute the game to the point that it's not fun for anyone, becomes old and trite, and it's not a game anymore.

surreal shit, guys.  think about it.

ANd why the fuck is the wall rattling like that, there's no train near here.

Two Weeks

two weeks till the solstice...
two weeks


god help me.

I think I'm having hallucinations.

Just two hours ago, here I am in my little bunker I set up...yeah I'm back there. and water starts collecting on the ceiling.  No big deal, except that the ceiling is supposed to be full stone.  There's A/C and vents up there, but it's dripping from nowhere.  I pay it little mind since it's just wet, but not dripping.  Hour and a half ago, it gets larger, and I notice it has an unusual shape.  It's collected with smooth edges, kind of hard to see with real water droplets, but it's not really adhering to the ceiling, making it darker in color, it's just...there.

I guardedly examine it further, my sword nearby, just in case.  After a few minutes of headrush from staring at the ceiling, I come to the conclusion, that, that it's forming the shape of an operator symbol.  I gather my stuff, my heart races as I watch it slowly form.  My sword is out, as I sit in the corner, watching.  A slow dread creeps over me.  Sometime after that, I heard a scratching sound

The stone peeled back as if paper, ripped by clawed hands, deluging the room with foul water, with putrid vegetation in it.  Things...I don't know what, green humanoid things rose up from it, on four legs and made screeching sounds at me.  I prepared for a fight, wishing I had a spear, to keep them at bay.  They advanced, the faceless mouthed things that...i really don't know what

They attacked, I fought.  I got hit, clawed.  I'd hit at them, and they'd split into water, just...just water

I stayed in the corner, and tried, and I got bit by one of them, and then they stopped.

I didn't see the Slenderman enter the room, he was just...just fuckin there.

My heart literally stopped, I

I don't know.  He came for me right then, and all my hope was gone.  I didn't see monsters, I didn't see anything but him, and he was everywhere.  before me.

fuck...it

it leaned in, i felt..my self dying...i couldn't feel my heart
no blood, no blood no life

I slumped down into the corner, helpless.

I felt myself move.

and then



i don't know

I found myself outside, near the fucking treeline, hanging from a tree branch.
my sword next to me.
i...


i...
i need this to end soon.

The Generations

My musing on the last post made me decide to write down my chart of the encounters we've had and their generations.   I will miss a great deal of the stories here, it's not my intent to capture them all.

Come to think of it I think I did this before during a bad day.


Generation 1 - Discovering monsters, going mad, and following clues

Marble Hornets of course
Just Another Fool
etc

now, when The Tutorial and Seeking Truth hit, that started the shift into Gen 2.  M showed us we can live through his stalking, Zeke was the first ballsy sunuvabitch who wanted to fight back.  Both marks of inspiration

In Generation 2 - We can identify the monster easier, and understand what has happened to past victims.  Our curiosity is aroused, and we attempt to rationalize an irrational thing.


The three sages, and the spawn therein, my blog included.

A time full of titles, false starts, mindscrews and insanity.

So in this short review, we're pretty much current?  So what starts generation 3?  Will it start on the Solstice? or has it already started?  Maybe it started when I told everyone to knock off the fantasy life most of us were living, or maybe when Nessa was....well, you know. 

All I can say is that there's a responsibility to tell your story, and tell it true,  keep it real, and don't be afraid to say you're scared.  We all are.



cept Zeke.

Flickering Light

I have to say, perhaps I'm not entirely numb yet, even though I've claimed to be.  B's death has started to affect me a bit more than I had expected, and that entire deal with Nessa lately.  Well I must admit, I'm starting to feel trapped, at the risk of feeding Rika more troll food.  I still have beliefs, I still know that we have to fight him, somehow.  The sheer fact that M believes in his origin via the Tulpa Effect has been reassuring.  It tells me there's a chance that we can fight back soon. 

Yeah the Solstice Event as I call it, that's what I'm really thinking about lately.  I'm starting to get nervous.  I know I've been a bit cocky in the past, even knowing what fate will most likely befall me, but now...now its sinking in. 

Let's say that victims of Slendy don't go to heaven, that he takes their souls.  Certainly there's been more than one thought of that posted.  What will happen to me when he kills me?  I've never been too religious, but I've always had some comfort thinking that there's a Heaven that awaits the truly good people.  I know I've made some nasty mistakes, heck the biggest sin I've ever committed is barely a week old.  But I've always considered myself on the right path, you know?  Trying to be a better me, every day.  I try to appreciate people more and more, try to enjoy the tiny things that I still have.  Like the snow that falls outside my reinforced windows.  Each individual snowflake floats on invisible currents, guided by an unseen hand.

The air is crisp and chill, the perverbial big white blanket tightly hugging the confines of the outdoors, covering all our little imperfections with uniformity and asthetic peace.  I almost feel like sometimes writing poetry relating to my situation, when I get waxing philosophic, but I don't want to have another spot filled in Slender Man Bingo.

Yeah, I heard about that. 

So then I was thinking about something with Maduin, when we were trying to unscramble K-OS' riddles.  (No luck by the way, too cryptic for this poor soul.)   And something we saw was unsettling.

One of K-OS' clues lead to a wiki entry that had religious dogma on it, stating a phrase I've heard before.
I'll paraphrase  :"What you hold true on earth, I will hold true in Heaven."

Can he be there as well?  A cancer in the afterlife.  Can no place in life or death be safe from him, if this is true?  How strong is the Tulpa Effect?  Is it strong enough to incorporate a monster into years of religious belief?  Could it alter the afterlife?

On a personal note,  still alright personally.  I've been trying to keep active, keep my heart rate up.  When I go to confront him on the Solstice, I don't want to be chased down and killed simply because I ate too many cheeseburgers in my life.  Granted I'm not doing anything too life changing, but it does help me relieve some stress.

It's like another layer of life has started to peel away from me today, a dawning realization even deeper of what we face, or run from.  I'm so full of questions, and I have no answers.

also, Shut up Rika

random thoughts 2

is it just me, or does even Katy Perry sound like she's a Runner?

I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

 I wonder what other songs can give that impression

Dirty Work

I really don't want to talk about Nessa right now.

I've never seen such a mental breakdown.

Funny, today was going to be a big day for me, but not like this, I had other plans,  funny though they sort of had the same intent in mind, just in a different fashion.

And now I have a whole new set of problems because of it.


Someone outside is very unhappy with me.  I keep blacking out, feeling the weight of the room bearing down on me, I keep thinking the apartment's going to be set on fire at any time, it's...its pretty bad.  Tendrils of influence try to grip into my head, and I just want to sleep, and yet I can't.

So much to do.


edit:

FUCK!  what the hell is wrong with me?  noone can take a life so easily, and I'm expected to?

She was fucking begging me for a cure, and I don't know a god damn thing about a cure, and she begs me for one

she gets so upset when I don't have one,  all i got is what robert had

Fuck man

no one should have the right to just kill someone else, i don't care
i know it's about compassion but


god damnit
why am I in this spot now? huh?  I'mno god damn savior,  it's that god damn title coming back against me

you guys think 'oh hey he's that sage guy he's the guy to put a bullet in those agent guys heads'
fuck that
i may have a plan to hurt their boss, but i'm not supposed to be a murderer

going to have to either sell all ym worldly goods or start stleaing to cover these costs

im on the move, right now, got that iphone thing that she had.

can't make heads or taisl of it

at least i got some mobile access in case i haveto stay on the run

worst part
worst damn part of it
is cuz i asked for this shit
i said, hey i wanna help, i wanna figure this thing out
maybe i can sheld some light on this for you

and the plolice are not going to be happy with me

shit

b meldoy jeff, nessa jay and hundresds more
everyones dying around me again

random thought

ever wonder what you guys might do after this is all over?

been thinking about that just now.

Maybe put the single life behind me, celebrate every miracle that life offers,  yeah, like  a Juggalo or something :D

I'd like to raise a family, with Rika-chan, and spend my days content and contemplative.

The UST between us is getting pretty severe, you've surely noticed that it's become so powerful that's actually having an effect on global tides.



Okay, I wrote this entire post just to make a Foe Yay comment.  Gotta keep my spirits up somehow.

Resolve

Update title based on Horo's beautiful work.
You can see it here

So Jeff's gone, yep, right online, just like Nessa.

Before you all decide to start trying to fix him through text, keep in mind this. It really didn't work for Nessa, in fact, looking back it was stupid to think that some silly slogan is going to empower someone to fight a monster. Ain't happening. So Jeff's gone.

So long, bud. I'll miss ya. If he 'miraculously returns', he's not back, it's another chain yank by the goon squad. Trying to destroy our morale again, works not too badly too, I must say, but it's not going to break me yet. So, for those of you who don't read the hundred troll comments on the last post, let me tell you how my day went.

It went to shit the moment I got out of bed.

End of story.



Okay I owe you all a few more details than that. I had people banging on my windows half the night, just slapping their hands against the frame, one caused a crack. Called the police, they didn't find anything, and it starts up again twenty minutes later. This morning, I see a note on my front door reading, "TAKEEVERYTHINGFROMYOU" and then I see the shitstorm of comments from our delightful antagonists. The people outside start up again as I'm typing, but eventually things die down, and I double check my home for problems, then I see what happens on the blog after lunch. Long story short, Jeff falls to the corrupt.

Read the drama for yourself. It's sad, I know, and I seem heartless to just throw that out there without any real emotion, but I'm getting used to tragedy. While Jeff starts falling, I fall for a taunt, and decide to go whoop on Rika. If I were smart, I would've realized she can't be posting on my blog when she's right outside my house, noone's stupid enough to have an open laptop while running around my house slapping windows. Not even Rika I kid. No I don't. So I go out there with my cudgel, chase around two guys I don't know, and smack one of them in the back. Cops show up surprisingly quick considering I didn't call them, and then I get a twenty minute Q&A session with Marion County's finest.

I spin the tale so i'm the persecuted one, which is really true, I just leave out the whole mythos stuff. I even show them the note left on my door. Thanks for that. They pretty much don't do a damn thing for me, aside from telling me that they'll send by a squad car more regularly. And then Flame Wars: Part 3 shows up on my last entry. I think I'll be disabling comments for a while.

I'm sick of it all.

NO no no

Stop it! It's not Nessa. Nessa's gone, we accept that, and move on. Whomever she says she is, it's a lie. She doesn't act like this, you all know it. I just spent four days trying to help pacify all the issues I've been having, mentally and socially, then all of a sudden someone "POPS BACK UP FROM THE DEAD" You don't think that's connected? It's an attempt to discredit me and drive me mad. I'm not falling for it, don't let it happen to you. Come on, what is she? Undead? Pfft, that's not the monster's style, guys. I asked Fizz enough about the actual incident that I don't think she's lying. So in summary. If you're reading this...You're not Nessa. No one is falling for it.

"Faerie tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Faerie tales tell children that dragons can be killed." ~ Chesterton

Repercussions

The police came by today, asking me if I knew of any incidents in the complex recently.  I asked what they meant, apparently someone got attacked recently by an unknown assailant.

Yeah...that blood I had on my sword.  Fortunately they were just asking the neighbors.   Not too sure how good my lie was, but I referred them to the incident with Rika that I had.  Even showed them the scab on my head where she banged me with that pipe.

The officer asked me why I hadn't reported it,  I sheepishly made up an excuse that she was someone I had met on the internet, and was trying to 'hook up' with her.  Apparently they bought it, and eventually went on their way.

Fuck, who did I hurt?  What did I do?

God, I can't stand not knowing but if I go confess to the police, I'll miss my chance for vindication on the Solstice.  I'm going to dispose of the blade, maybe bury it, I don't know.  But my weapon has got to go!  I hope that I had nothing to do with it, I *hope* that I cut the /construct/ with it, and not some poor person who had to fend off a deranged me.

I hope so



and as a mood breaker, I noticed this week that apparently my blog lacks credibility in the circles.  Well I already started to fix that, getting rid of all that self delusional nonsense.  However there's more to come.

I'm officially announcing that starting today, I'm a 26 yo Latina mother of 3, who has bouts of insanity leading her to believe she's stalked by a monster that isn't there, and then dies under mysterious circumstances.

Okay that was a cheap laugh on my end.  I suppose I don't have the talent to write something like that.

Take care all.  I'll keep posting.

Real

I think I might be taking a few days off, things got so intense here for a bit.  All sorts of people started showing up, people passed out titles like candy, and things got unbelievable.

I'm going to try to see through all these things I've said and considered over the last few weeks, to try to find the truth of the matter.  There's truth in there somewhere, I just need to sift it out from the garbage.

First piece of garbage, Astral Projection  - Yes I've tried to meditate, in hopes to figure out what to do, it's gotten me nowhere.  It was a worthwhile thought, but its beyond me, you won't hear me mention it again.  I regret the arrogance I had to even consider that I could do something that supernatural.

Second piece of business - Not necessarily garbage, but I want to talk about the titles we use.  They're a symbol, that's a powerful thing, but that's all they are.  It's a representation of what we want to see, but we're also seeing a lot of them now, and to be fair, I've doled out a few myself, because I felt someone needed to see themselves more than just a scared Runner, fleeing a monstrosity.  However, having so many people out there, donning monikers like superheroes sort of dilutes the concept.  So while I am still here, for a few more weeks, I'm going to stop using all of them, in hopes maybe others will do the same.

Third piece of business - Conduits.  This isn't an attack on anyone, Will, but I wanted to voice my thoughts on it.  I admit, I've got good luck, heck, I named my blog after that belief!  But the idea of super powers, tapping into either the monster's power, or our own or whatever, maybe that's not as real as I've thought it is.  Don't delude yourself into thinking you can do more than you can.  I do feel we have potential to do more than what we see before us!  But let's not lie to ourselves more than we need to, to survive a monster.  If you really can do something, sure, whatever, I can't verify it, and if I assume you're lying to me, well maybe I won't bring it up anymore.

Fourth piece of business - The Solstice, it still stands.  I'm still going to believe in this, and in Robert's analysis.  It may lead to nothing, probably won't hear from me again.  Doesn't matter.  I'm losing screws daily now.

Fifth piece of business - Greenlight.  Don't care if he's mad or not, he's my friend, and I have to merit his words, even if he's never been anything more than a man lost in his own mind.  The lesson here, is to judge for yourself what is real and what is not.  I can't tell you what's real.  Let your own common sense flow.  Now, as an alternative advocate's point of view,  words still have power.  This is a major premise of the Core Theory.
I'm going to use a lot more discretion before I start voicing theories from now on, because I haven't guarded my tongue, and look where that got us?

Sixth piece of business - As such, I have to revoke the promise of  full disclosure.  I am sorry, I really am, but I've been a fool these last few weeks, talking about things with such candor. 

Seventh piece of business - I think I've accidentally, in this....grotesque mockery of life that I've been a part of lately, I think I've accidentally pushed people away from me that I respect.  I won't name names, but I will say now, that I hope to set myself right, explore this mythos in the proper way from now on, without comments that envision superheroics and impossible goals.  So to those of you, who I have hoped to......garner a sense of approval from, I am deeply sorry.

Last piece of business - Attitudes.  I'm unsure about this.  I know that we're less afraid of him, at least those that are sort of 'in the circle' as it were.  But do not be stupid about it.  I think we need to dial back our 'let's kick him in the junk' comments.  Enthusiasm is very good, but not to the point of reckless suicide.  Most of us are afraid, and it is alright to be afraid.  I said this before, but noone seemed to hear me.  It's alright to be afraid, it lets you know you're still sane,

As for me, I'm considering leaving this hideout and seeing if my apartment's still there.  I need to sort out what's real, and that means shedding some of this paranoia.  Watchfulness will remain, however. I'm not going to go out and 'derp derp derp, tall guy watching me, herp derp'.  I am going to go home, and find some reality in my life, maybe even watch TV for the first time in a month. 

I ask you all to examine your lives, toss aside the delusions you may have, without a word of acknowledgment and continue on your paths.

Thank you for reading
Zero

M, Zeke, and the ones I consider friends whom I have never met.   I'm straightening things up today, I hope I can make one of you proud.

what words

i'm questioning my own sanity tonight

i see all these blog entries, all these comments, and 'truth'

and i wonder what is real anymore.\
\god\\

titles, predictions, binary

we're all so dead, we are, i dcant tell anymore

wanted to write you all a nice story today, about all sorts of things
what the fuck is a title
astral palen

here i am musing in a cellar, alone
i cant trust myself, and redlight points out so much

pulling someone back from despair with kind words,
speaking binary
astral plane

fighting off thirty agents
people that are killers
everything feels so heavy, the air si thick

self delusion, the same damn thing i've complaind about since day one\

but if the monster's real, can't we be real too
are we just making things up


let us lookbak today

M  -  on the run, gave us rules, madness, symbols, running always
JAF - a dark mind,  insanity, murder

zeke - zeke...  wanted to fight back, to kill him

a story changes here

jay - analyze hallowed, mad scientist
shaun - almost converted
robert -....analysis, metaphysical

story changes

now

astral energy
psychic powers
lots of death
unrealism
fighting
prophesy
titles
so surreal
are we all crazy
maybe just me
yeah
definitely me

binary gives me a migraine
why would we speak in binary
language of computers not real

how can I read it?

fucking language shifts, hurts my head
redlight didn't even need to say it
its true
i'm insane
don't trust me
never shoudlve

maybe in my dreams
i'll think i was sane
and did something

life's a fraud.

i don't even think theres a monster
just that need to be someone

fucking titles
conduits
guns
this shit cant be real
energy, luck
got to bring myself back
somehow

stop letting these damn delusions kill me
you're kill ing me
every fucking post
every update where you're conquering evil with no fear
who the fuck has no fear against pure evil
you can't be real

i fear him, if he's real
if not
i guess ifear myself
stupid
damn fool

stupid plans, everything stupid
maybe not all

some of it

yeah
tell me you're fucking real, i mean prove it
letting imagination go wild
greenlight, not even there
is this all my fault
my speculations
drove people mad
at least me

yes
it has to be me
oh save us zero sage, you can make shit up better than anyone
dunno what the fuck i've done
i did drink something though
something strange

yeah, i've got a package at home, if its still home

vials were in it
from b

yeah

B

B is real
or just as insane

hope he didn't hurt her

but that was real
and i went to the hospital

maybe it is real
but maybe we need to pull ourselves in
yeah

thats it
it's all real but we have to
be believed
maybe it's all still something, you know?

everyone

don't admit your mistakes, its fine
we just have to be real now
reign ourselves in,

it's really alright, i know why
it makes sense

Yeah...it does, I think I get it now.  Our imaginations run wild, we want to express how we're going to stop him, to defy...
that really does damage him, even if it's not true.  but we have got to show our fear.  i'm alone here, the weight of shadows down upon me, and i am afraid.  it's fine

we have to be real, otherwise the story won't stick, you see?

Fuck it, I'm keeping my title, I earned it
keep yours, just keep it real
we're a belief guys, we're still strong

and i'll still fight on the solstice, even if its not all real
course then i'll check into the nut house if its not, but whatever
Right now, we're all real

Yeah,  it's hard sometimes to admit the truth, you don't need to.  I will though
I think I hurt someone the other day, I don't know who.  I think that was blood on my blade.  No cops, so I don't know. Just guessing. 

I'll be fine, you will be too.

Still ashamed that Nessa fell back, but maybe she never really came out.  But she proved it can be overcome, I think.

Chin up, keep yourselves real.

Still got a battle to fight.

I think.

So damn confused

Defcon 3

All bloggers/Runners are advised to seek shelter immediately, and have emergency gear readied,  Shit's going down again.   Recommend that all Runners find good weapons, and a safe place, with net/phone access.  Have emergency info standing by.  I'm set to weather this storm.

Do not answer doors, unless you're absolutely SURE who it is, and they're not Hallowed.  Even so, keep your weapons handy.

Gather extra batteries for flashlights.

Good luck, all.



edit:  Things have died down here, anyone else starting to get clear?

good work so far,  maybe this Defcon thing is a good idea.

update:Made it to Thanksgiving, blacked out more than I'd like.  Nothing else to report.  May be quiet for a day or two.

She lives

edit: more useless banter, Nessa never came back really, she was allowed to pretend as such to taunt us.  The power of fucking dreams is a joke,  greenlight was insane,   But the song is good at least, so this post isn't a total waste.

She lives...Nessa...somehow she fought it off, for now at least...I cannot imagine the strength of will she must have summoned.  Thank you Greenlight, and all you others who have helped pull her from the brink

One thing's for sure, Skinny's going to be LIVID.  Everyone get your total guard up, to avoid any repeats of yesterday.


You all need to hear this, by our Minstrel.
Resolve

more: later