I have to say, perhaps I'm not entirely numb yet, even though I've claimed to be. B's death has started to affect me a bit more than I had expected, and that entire deal with Nessa lately. Well I must admit, I'm starting to feel trapped, at the risk of feeding Rika more troll food. I still have beliefs, I still know that we have to fight him, somehow. The sheer fact that M believes in his origin via the Tulpa Effect has been reassuring. It tells me there's a chance that we can fight back soon.
Yeah the Solstice Event as I call it, that's what I'm really thinking about lately. I'm starting to get nervous. I know I've been a bit cocky in the past, even knowing what fate will most likely befall me, but now...now its sinking in.
Let's say that victims of Slendy don't go to heaven, that he takes their souls. Certainly there's been more than one thought of that posted. What will happen to me when he kills me? I've never been too religious, but I've always had some comfort thinking that there's a Heaven that awaits the truly good people. I know I've made some nasty mistakes, heck the biggest sin I've ever committed is barely a week old. But I've always considered myself on the right path, you know? Trying to be a better me, every day. I try to appreciate people more and more, try to enjoy the tiny things that I still have. Like the snow that falls outside my reinforced windows. Each individual snowflake floats on invisible currents, guided by an unseen hand.
The air is crisp and chill, the perverbial big white blanket tightly hugging the confines of the outdoors, covering all our little imperfections with uniformity and asthetic peace. I almost feel like sometimes writing poetry relating to my situation, when I get waxing philosophic, but I don't want to have another spot filled in Slender Man Bingo.
Yeah, I heard about that.
So then I was thinking about something with Maduin, when we were trying to unscramble K-OS' riddles. (No luck by the way, too cryptic for this poor soul.) And something we saw was unsettling.
One of K-OS' clues lead to a wiki entry that had religious dogma on it, stating a phrase I've heard before.
I'll paraphrase :"What you hold true on earth, I will hold true in Heaven."
Can he be there as well? A cancer in the afterlife. Can no place in life or death be safe from him, if this is true? How strong is the Tulpa Effect? Is it strong enough to incorporate a monster into years of religious belief? Could it alter the afterlife?
On a personal note, still alright personally. I've been trying to keep active, keep my heart rate up. When I go to confront him on the Solstice, I don't want to be chased down and killed simply because I ate too many cheeseburgers in my life. Granted I'm not doing anything too life changing, but it does help me relieve some stress.
It's like another layer of life has started to peel away from me today, a dawning realization even deeper of what we face, or run from. I'm so full of questions, and I have no answers.
also, Shut up Rika