Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Zero Hour

That's right.  I made a joke in my last blog title. =D

     So today is a big day for everyone involved, my friends.  It's been a long, strange journey I've been in, these last few weeks, and months.  In retrospect, I can't help but feel amazed at how much has happened to me since September of this year.
     Before I get onto the meat of this post ie: my battle plan, I just want to thank everyone who has visited my blog, for good or for ill.  It's an interesting feeling to know that somewhere out there, people like myself have chosen to read my thoughts, hopes and personal events.  It's an amazing sense.  So, from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you all.

     Now, we get to the battle I'm setting up.  I'm sure I've been overly cryptic about some of this.  I do apologize for that, but as you'll soon see, the need for discretion will be apparent.

First Step

     The first part of the plan is the timing.  You might have heard by now that today has a lunar eclipse, possibly a blood moon!  I can't tell you whether this will have a positive or negative effect on our foe, however it certainly makes the day more special.  When I was being carted via ambulance to St. Vee's, I was apparently in ecstasy, (the religious definition, not the sexual) since I was screaming about the Solstice.  I can only hope that this day, today, does have meaning.

Second Step

     This is where things get tricky.  As you might remember, I've asked some of you to come attend the Solstice with me.  Some of you have volunteered on your own accord.  However, only some of you know where I will be.  I am not going to say who, because this is an important element of the plan.  I will confirm that a few people are coming along for the ride.  I am being mostly vague, because of stage three of my plan.  This is where I give you all some homework.

Third Step

     I've said before, that you are the key to victory.  You always have been.  What I need you all to do is simply write a story about what happens.  It's that simple.  I've given instructions to the people who are attending the Event to elaborate and romanticize the entire deal, to let fantasy add its mark to the fight.  All of you readers who are not attending, I will ask you, as well, to write a story.  Tell in your own words what you think happens.
     So now that I've intentionally shed confusion on most observers, everyone has a more equal amount of credibility for writing.  As I said, some of you said you're coming, but do not have the address I am at.  Some of you, I spoke to but have not alluded to showing.  Others are just reading this now, and have never left their homes.  It's because of this unreliable narrator quality, we can discuss on equal terms what happens.
     Why should you do this for me?  Because this is how we kill the monster.  We, as a blogosphere, discuss, critique, and solidify a story of this Event, enough that we can agree and deem it canon.  It doesn't matter what is true within it or not.  The point is that we progress further into the chain of events, advancing another rung closer to killing the Slender Man.  In a literal sense, I am putting my life on the line, that you readers and bloggers can come together to give a cohesive answer as to the happenings today.

     Before I continue, I'd like to set up the bullet points for this story.
  1. The story must have a protagonist.  It does not need to be me.  I actually encourage you all to create your Hero for this story.  If you must, you may name the Hero, but I strongly suggest you use Amelia's name as often as you use mine.  I do not want this to seem like I am asking for you to give me an overly dramatic heroic last stand.  The Hero is just a stand-in for each of us, nothing more.  I'd also suggest avoiding overly dramatic self-insertion tactics to make yourself be the star of the show.  Writing yourself in as a trite Mary Sue asskicker to 'win' this story will only doom its credibility.
  2.  The Hero fights the monster in an actual battle, not just gets gutted immediately.  This may be less realistic than what will actually happen, but this is a story, and therefore immune to reality as much as the monster is.
  3. I like the idea of the monster getting a wound.  I am hoping that if you guys find something you can all agree to, something you can see happening as canon, then maybe that will affect him as such.  I've got little preference, whether it's a sword slash to the face, or a cut off tentacle.  Whatever, it's your call, not mine.
  4. The Monster does not die.  We cannot kill him with this story, but we can weaken him.  That is the entire point of this exercise.
  5. The Hero disappears in a vague manner.  No need for an unhappy ending, but we can't kill the monster via this story, so we make do with a bittersweet ending of some sort.

     What I am hoping is that we can kick the Tulpa Effect into gear with this gambit.   We manifest our thoughts as one, as you people read each others suggestions of the story, discuss concepts and ideals, then come together to finalize the story as one.  When we discuss things of this nature, and hear of it from other sources, it helps solidify the concept, if not the details.  This is the way we created him, it's the way we hinder him.
     I've outright said that this will not kill the monster.  It will not, but it CAN reduce his strength.  Hopefully to a more tolerable level of evil, one that can be dealt with easier.  I've got a vague idea that perhaps the Hallowed involved have a chance of their control being broken as well.  I'm not as certain about this.  Let's call it a hunch.
     I suppose technically I don't need to even leave my house for this concept to work at its basest form.  However I feel there needs to be a personal attachment to the people writing the story.  If we're not invested in it, it's not going to work.  Plus, if today really has any meaning, I want to personally take advantage of it.

     As for my personal expectations, I plan to confront him within the clearing near where I grew up.  Trees align one side, with a small hill nearby, which is perfect for observing.  Amelia and I will wait for him to appear, with Hallowed or without.  As you might have noticed from my hidden clue, I have some help against proxies.  I am also bringing with me a few meme items.  I'd say I had twenty dollars, but I'm not interested in him leaving me alone.  I'd rather have him stay and end this battle.  So that said, I am bringing a rabbit's foot, my best dice and a monster mask, a concept borrowed from Maduin.   I also hope that I can get one more 'meme' in the battle, for the sole purpose of gallows humor.  Since I have a blade, I'd like to see if the Slender Man can survive being divided by Zero.  =D

     Ha ha, yes another joke.  I do have my stun gun on me, fully charged.  I hope I will have an opportunity to stab him with the blade, then electrocute it with my taser.  I can't guarantee that however.  I've listened to Hosozukuri's gorgeous music, Resolve time and time again.  I can hear it in my mind now, it may not have been meant for me alone, but it has become precious to me.  I never thanked her properly for her music.  I will not get the chance now.

Lastly, I did promise you I would deliver a picture or two before my departure.

My blade.  It's possibly just a piece of crap, but I am endeared to it.  I won a trial of
spirit to win this prize.  I ask for it to guide me through this next trial.

My Mask.  Originally I felt that I was destined for the role of the Warrior, back when
 I believed that our Titles were a grander thing than mere words.  I suppose it wasn't so bad.

I trust in Maduin's belief of a second 'layer' of personality to help guard me from mental attacks.
It also allows me a hair more focus, to accept my fate at his hands.   I cut the eye
holes out further than what you see here, since visibility is paramount.

And so I leave you today.  A man in search of answers he cannot find, with the hope
that one of you will find it for him.  I accept my role as a mere pawn, moving down
the chess board.  A sacrifice against the Black King.  One needed however
for victory.  You'll win this fight, I know it.
Take care, my friends.  Amelia, Maduin, Jeff, Shaun, Robert, EE, SS, Fizzbomb, Vieve, Hoso
and the rest of the crew.


Friday, December 17, 2010


gotta keep moving
so damn cold out

leg's aching, been bit again
all stiff, frozen
shadows keep moving

they keep mMoving

cant worm uip
need to go

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


Well folks, I have something I need to tell you about while I'm all nice and lucid, only quite tired.  Two things actually.

First off, I've already written my last post, in a little binder, with instructions on it how to log into my account.  I have asked that this be posted on Solstice Day, in case I lose my wits before then.  What this also says is, unfortunately, you will not know if I am really still around before my fight.  You will have to trust me, as you have in the past.  I felt I needed to mention this to you guys, since you've stuck with me for so long.  Thank you for all your well wishing and comments, I really really have appreciated everything.  Even the trolls.

Sort of funny that a guy who started out posting about being lost in life has turned around in just a few months...

Okay, now for something I really didn't want to talk about, but I felt you guys needed to know.


I should tell you what happened with her.  You see, she showed up at my door that day, looking like hell itself warmed over.  Another cute girl in distress.  Another mistake.  I guardedly told her to show her hands, and to lay down on the floor face down, if she really wished to talk.  My stun gun was at the ready, hidden from her sight.  She complied, making no motions to attack me or incapacitate me.  Granted, it was a stupid trusting move on my part, but I've failed her before, and that got to me.

We talked for a bit.  I could see how...hopeless she had become.  Distraught, gloom.  If she were wearing black, I'd have called her an emo.

Stupid defense mechanism.

She asked me for help.  I had none to give her.  She screamed at me, and stood, begging me for a cure to a poison I had no hope of holding.  When I held out my hands to show that I had no cure, she called me a coward.  And then

she asked for death.

I'm not a killer, despite what I may have done in desperation, or insanity, I always felt that I was meant to be a healer.  One with issues, but still, my overall goal is to help people.  I refused to hurt her.  She produced a firearm, and yelled at me again.  Now, I'm no psychologist, but I knew that one of us was going to be shot within moments, if I didn't do something stupid.  So I agreed.

I took the firearm, whispered an apology to her, tears coming down my cheeks.  She sunk down onto her knees, as I leveled the weapon at her, my hand shaking.  She didn't even have a chance to see me taze her.

I couldn't take her life.  Not after she came to me for help.  So I made a call.  You see, there's someone I've been talking to who has a certain interest in agents, or hallowed.  He came to town to talk to me, to convince me to change my goals.  He has a way out.

So I called him, and he showed.  Nessa started to stir, so I took her out of the equation again.  The battery on the stun gun was mostly depleted, by this point as the thin man with the ruddy red hoodie appeared at my door.  He was unkempt, his teeth browned and somewhat rotted, his clothes ratty, his hood pulled low over his eyes, and had a snide look on his face as I let him enter.  I knew he wasn't the sort to jump me.  He has different goals.

Me>>>  Well....I never thought I'd meet you.
Stranger>>>  Who says you haven't before?  So you've changed your mind?
Me>>> No, no I'm going through with it.
Stranger>>> It's all madness.  You're just as much a fool as I was once.
Me>>>  Perhaps.  But I think I know a few things.
Stranger>>>  They're all lies.  Every last one.  But did you call me here to play at intrigue, or did you have a purpose?
Me>>>  I've had a purpose for three months now.  I daresay you lost yours about that time.
Stranger>>>  Ohhh...
He stepped through my abode, looking around.
Stranger>>>  Don't try to guess at me.
Me>>>  It keeps me busy.
Me>>> Anyway....I have someone for you.  For you to take.
Stranger>>>  You think I'm a delivery expert?
Me>>>  I think you'll want to see her....It's Nessa...you have an interest in her, don't you?
His eyes light up, a hideous twinkle.
Stranger>>> Well, this is unexpected.  Yes, I can take her.
Me>>>   I can't believe I'm doing this, handing her off to you.  I mean...there's nothing to prove that you won't just kill her or abuse her.
The Stranger lifted his hand, dirt on his palm.
Stranger>>> I'm not interested in hurting her, or even you.  So you can stop handling that weapon so aggressively.  I simply want this to end.
Me>>>  Strange occurances make strange bedfellows.  I guess I have to trust you on that.  You'll give her a good life?
Stranger>>>  The life she leads is up to her,
Me>>>  Well...as good a chance as anyone, then.

I showed him to where I had her restrained, unconscious.  As an agnostic, I whispered a bitter prayer for her hope and life, as the man picked her up.

Me>>> Can you really do it?
He paused.
Me>>> Can you really make people forget?
The Stranger chuckled softly.
Stranger>>>  I've done this a few times.
He tapped the side of his head.
Stranger>>>  It's a better life for them, to have them forget.
Me>>>  I see....goodbye then.  I hope not to see you again.
Stranger>>>  Ohh...don't hurt my feelings now.  I'm sure I'll see you again soon.

And that's the story.

I gave Nessa to Redlight. and I had no choice.

Monday, December 13, 2010


I push my hands unto the wall to steady myself, to keep myself at ease.  My legs grow numb, and my health fades.  My stomach curls up into itself ready to devour me from the inside, lest I eat.  As I stand and ponder, gazing out over the unfortunate...the other unfortunates during this cold, bitter season, I close my eyes.

My feet are cold, numbed.  Should've bought new boots.  And as I wait for a meal to arrive, i feel my hands sink into the stone, like putty or gelatin.  I stare in marvel at the oddity as my body starts to meld into the stone.  I cannot shift my weight away, I am not being pulled.  I am simply falling. 

When my face touches the stone, it molds around me, capturing my breath.  I cannot breathe here.  My scrapes and wounds from the fights I've been in throb.  The bites on my legs.  My head aches, and face.  A knife is stabbed into my ribs, if I did not know better.  And I do not.  I am blind, unable to move, but only to feel.  My lungs burn, as I gasp for breath.  I cannot see but I know my sight dims again.  Blood...My blood is frozen.  I can feel it again.

The world fades, my vision narrows, and a rushing sound fills my ears.  I feel myself shift, my legs buckle and I move.  I do not know how.  I fall and see light, air hesitantly tests my lungs as I find myself on the floor, gazing at a ceiling.

I am asked if I need help.  I do not know the answer.  I feel a great weight upon me, still crushing me, like a mantle made of lead.

I look for the adversary, and do not see him.  I do not see his work.  I only see the unfortunates.  I should not let bad things happen to them.  I do not know if I can.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Surrealism at its finest

As I sit here, at Wheeler Mission, which I did not expect to have Wi-Fi.  I took a good look around me a bit ago.  It's not quite the desolate place one'd expect of a shelter for those who are homeless...or those on the run from monsters.

I've been quietly playing with Nessa's phone, browsing the web through it.  I've got a charger for it, so no worries there.  However it's Tourette's inducing cold outside, even with both of my great coats on, it's still uncomfortable.  And by Tourette's, I mean that when the wind picks up and you're hustling inside, you unconsciously scream out something akin to, "FUCK, IT'S COLD!"    So now that I've explained the joke that didn't need it, I'll pick up with my activities lately.

First, yes indeed, I have been trolling the blogs lately.  It's my way to unwind, and somewhat comforting to have companions in all this mess.  Granted, I would rather you all weren't in this bind with me, but if you weren't, I couldn't talk to you about it, could I?

Been looking around the people here...too many damn kids out here.  Sort of scared that he'll show and want a few of them, so   vigilance, i guess.  Anyway, no sign of that Runner I saw before, no operator symbols either.  The bite mark on my leg is healing.

oh right, that shit...

I was wanting to draw one of those things for you, Maduin, like you asked.  Uhm...it's not happening.

I keep drawing one and having issues with it.  It's like the shit is coming off the page at me when I draw it.  Just dissipates when I hit it, but...well I don't want to draw it.  I did doodle some slendy pics the other day, while i was bored.  didn't really seem to do anything for or against me, in terms of sanity.  So, that's a no go for me.  I think maybe since he's got different tactics for people, maybe he wants something different for all of us?  The ones he wants to take, he slowly gives them the ole mindscrew.  Those of us who run, either get him on our tail, or agents.  

Just a thought.

Also, I'm worried Amelia....fuck I almost said nessa...then melody.   It's getting hard to remember names sometimes.  I'm worried Amelia's not going to get here in time.  I wish she'd let me know whats up.  Granted, i'm hanging out in a shelter, so it's not that great of a thing to have her here yet, but i'd rather have her around.  It's been very comforting to talk to her, as little as we have.  Nice to know I can rely on a few people.  You know?  

And yes I know half of you are going to post that I can rely on you guys too.  Thanks, Jean, Vieve, EE, and Jeff, and whomever else.  :D

Though i can't trust any of you corrupted guys.  I can't get hurt like that again.

Fat guy over here's taking way too much interest in my typing.  Better not have to taze fatty to keep him off me.  that's right fat boy, i'm talking to you.

and he's gone. good.

Oh, right the post title.

So after a hard day of being chased by whatever the fuck those things are.  You know, i think i'll just call em green things, bastards need a name.  Anyway...I was thinking about the real death of the monster, you know?

We've talked about this before, you and I.  And I said that we won't kill him till all the vlogs and stuff get shut down, which might not be the case now that I think about it.

I'll put this in terms of you guys who think this is a fun little game we play, because i'd rather you keep thinking of it like that.

okay, let's say we made this as a game.  which you know, it was at the start.  SA forums, or w/e,  never really been there.  Okay so we make up these fucked up stories about the monster, and it takes off.  Then boom, he's real.  Tulpa effect for the loss.

Now for those people who see this as a game, might think that some of this shit is stupid as hell.  the magic powers, the small armies and the action movie logs.  Right.  I find some of that hard to believe too, but this is the world in which we live, unless we're fucking hallucinating again.  which i am not.  currently.

so anyhoo, the guys...fuck, i'll call them gamers, even though i am one.  The gamers see our posts and call BS on it.  Which i would too if it weren't real.  but really that's the way to kill the monster, i think.  We destroy 'the game'.  As stupid as that sounds, yes, maybe we need to mock and goof around with the idea of being stalked by a murderous alien psychopath, until it becomes cliche, and lame. 

So, for the outsiders point of view.  we're playing a game, we want to win by not having to play the game, but can't give up.  So we dilute the game to the point that it's not fun for anyone, becomes old and trite, and it's not a game anymore.

surreal shit, guys.  think about it.

ANd why the fuck is the wall rattling like that, there's no train near here.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Two Weeks

two weeks till the solstice...
two weeks

god help me.

I think I'm having hallucinations.

Just two hours ago, here I am in my little bunker I set up...yeah I'm back there. and water starts collecting on the ceiling.  No big deal, except that the ceiling is supposed to be full stone.  There's A/C and vents up there, but it's dripping from nowhere.  I pay it little mind since it's just wet, but not dripping.  Hour and a half ago, it gets larger, and I notice it has an unusual shape.  It's collected with smooth edges, kind of hard to see with real water droplets, but it's not really adhering to the ceiling, making it darker in color, it's just...there.

I guardedly examine it further, my sword nearby, just in case.  After a few minutes of headrush from staring at the ceiling, I come to the conclusion, that, that it's forming the shape of an operator symbol.  I gather my stuff, my heart races as I watch it slowly form.  My sword is out, as I sit in the corner, watching.  A slow dread creeps over me.  Sometime after that, I heard a scratching sound

The stone peeled back as if paper, ripped by clawed hands, deluging the room with foul water, with putrid vegetation in it.  Things...I don't know what, green humanoid things rose up from it, on four legs and made screeching sounds at me.  I prepared for a fight, wishing I had a spear, to keep them at bay.  They advanced, the faceless mouthed things that...i really don't know what

They attacked, I fought.  I got hit, clawed.  I'd hit at them, and they'd split into water, just...just water

I stayed in the corner, and tried, and I got bit by one of them, and then they stopped.

I didn't see the Slenderman enter the room, he was just...just fuckin there.

My heart literally stopped, I

I don't know.  He came for me right then, and all my hope was gone.  I didn't see monsters, I didn't see anything but him, and he was everywhere.  before me.


it leaned in, i felt..my self dying...i couldn't feel my heart
no blood, no blood no life

I slumped down into the corner, helpless.

I felt myself move.

and then

i don't know

I found myself outside, near the fucking treeline, hanging from a tree branch.
my sword next to me.

i need this to end soon.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Generations

My musing on the last post made me decide to write down my chart of the encounters we've had and their generations.   I will miss a great deal of the stories here, it's not my intent to capture them all.

Come to think of it I think I did this before during a bad day.

Generation 1 - Discovering monsters, going mad, and following clues

Marble Hornets of course
Just Another Fool

now, when The Tutorial and Seeking Truth hit, that started the shift into Gen 2.  M showed us we can live through his stalking, Zeke was the first ballsy sunuvabitch who wanted to fight back.  Both marks of inspiration

In Generation 2 - We can identify the monster easier, and understand what has happened to past victims.  Our curiosity is aroused, and we attempt to rationalize an irrational thing.

The three sages, and the spawn therein, my blog included.

A time full of titles, false starts, mindscrews and insanity.

So in this short review, we're pretty much current?  So what starts generation 3?  Will it start on the Solstice? or has it already started?  Maybe it started when I told everyone to knock off the fantasy life most of us were living, or maybe when Nessa was....well, you know. 

All I can say is that there's a responsibility to tell your story, and tell it true,  keep it real, and don't be afraid to say you're scared.  We all are.

cept Zeke.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Flickering Light

I have to say, perhaps I'm not entirely numb yet, even though I've claimed to be.  B's death has started to affect me a bit more than I had expected, and that entire deal with Nessa lately.  Well I must admit, I'm starting to feel trapped, at the risk of feeding Rika more troll food.  I still have beliefs, I still know that we have to fight him, somehow.  The sheer fact that M believes in his origin via the Tulpa Effect has been reassuring.  It tells me there's a chance that we can fight back soon. 

Yeah the Solstice Event as I call it, that's what I'm really thinking about lately.  I'm starting to get nervous.  I know I've been a bit cocky in the past, even knowing what fate will most likely befall me, but now...now its sinking in. 

Let's say that victims of Slendy don't go to heaven, that he takes their souls.  Certainly there's been more than one thought of that posted.  What will happen to me when he kills me?  I've never been too religious, but I've always had some comfort thinking that there's a Heaven that awaits the truly good people.  I know I've made some nasty mistakes, heck the biggest sin I've ever committed is barely a week old.  But I've always considered myself on the right path, you know?  Trying to be a better me, every day.  I try to appreciate people more and more, try to enjoy the tiny things that I still have.  Like the snow that falls outside my reinforced windows.  Each individual snowflake floats on invisible currents, guided by an unseen hand.

The air is crisp and chill, the perverbial big white blanket tightly hugging the confines of the outdoors, covering all our little imperfections with uniformity and asthetic peace.  I almost feel like sometimes writing poetry relating to my situation, when I get waxing philosophic, but I don't want to have another spot filled in Slender Man Bingo.

Yeah, I heard about that. 

So then I was thinking about something with Maduin, when we were trying to unscramble K-OS' riddles.  (No luck by the way, too cryptic for this poor soul.)   And something we saw was unsettling.

One of K-OS' clues lead to a wiki entry that had religious dogma on it, stating a phrase I've heard before.
I'll paraphrase  :"What you hold true on earth, I will hold true in Heaven."

Can he be there as well?  A cancer in the afterlife.  Can no place in life or death be safe from him, if this is true?  How strong is the Tulpa Effect?  Is it strong enough to incorporate a monster into years of religious belief?  Could it alter the afterlife?

On a personal note,  still alright personally.  I've been trying to keep active, keep my heart rate up.  When I go to confront him on the Solstice, I don't want to be chased down and killed simply because I ate too many cheeseburgers in my life.  Granted I'm not doing anything too life changing, but it does help me relieve some stress.

It's like another layer of life has started to peel away from me today, a dawning realization even deeper of what we face, or run from.  I'm so full of questions, and I have no answers.

also, Shut up Rika

random thoughts 2

is it just me, or does even Katy Perry sound like she's a Runner?

I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

 I wonder what other songs can give that impression

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Dirty Work

I really don't want to talk about Nessa right now.

I've never seen such a mental breakdown.

Funny, today was going to be a big day for me, but not like this, I had other plans,  funny though they sort of had the same intent in mind, just in a different fashion.

And now I have a whole new set of problems because of it.

Someone outside is very unhappy with me.  I keep blacking out, feeling the weight of the room bearing down on me, I keep thinking the apartment's going to be set on fire at any time, it's...its pretty bad.  Tendrils of influence try to grip into my head, and I just want to sleep, and yet I can't.

So much to do.


FUCK!  what the hell is wrong with me?  noone can take a life so easily, and I'm expected to?

She was fucking begging me for a cure, and I don't know a god damn thing about a cure, and she begs me for one

she gets so upset when I don't have one,  all i got is what robert had

Fuck man

no one should have the right to just kill someone else, i don't care
i know it's about compassion but

god damnit
why am I in this spot now? huh?  I'mno god damn savior,  it's that god damn title coming back against me

you guys think 'oh hey he's that sage guy he's the guy to put a bullet in those agent guys heads'
fuck that
i may have a plan to hurt their boss, but i'm not supposed to be a murderer

going to have to either sell all ym worldly goods or start stleaing to cover these costs

im on the move, right now, got that iphone thing that she had.

can't make heads or taisl of it

at least i got some mobile access in case i haveto stay on the run

worst part
worst damn part of it
is cuz i asked for this shit
i said, hey i wanna help, i wanna figure this thing out
maybe i can sheld some light on this for you

and the plolice are not going to be happy with me


b meldoy jeff, nessa jay and hundresds more
everyones dying around me again

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

random thought

ever wonder what you guys might do after this is all over?

been thinking about that just now.

Maybe put the single life behind me, celebrate every miracle that life offers,  yeah, like  a Juggalo or something :D

I'd like to raise a family, with Rika-chan, and spend my days content and contemplative.

The UST between us is getting pretty severe, you've surely noticed that it's become so powerful that's actually having an effect on global tides.

Okay, I wrote this entire post just to make a Foe Yay comment.  Gotta keep my spirits up somehow.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Update title based on Horo's beautiful work.
You can see it here

So Jeff's gone, yep, right online, just like Nessa.

Before you all decide to start trying to fix him through text, keep in mind this. It really didn't work for Nessa, in fact, looking back it was stupid to think that some silly slogan is going to empower someone to fight a monster. Ain't happening. So Jeff's gone.

So long, bud. I'll miss ya. If he 'miraculously returns', he's not back, it's another chain yank by the goon squad. Trying to destroy our morale again, works not too badly too, I must say, but it's not going to break me yet. So, for those of you who don't read the hundred troll comments on the last post, let me tell you how my day went.

It went to shit the moment I got out of bed.

End of story.

Okay I owe you all a few more details than that. I had people banging on my windows half the night, just slapping their hands against the frame, one caused a crack. Called the police, they didn't find anything, and it starts up again twenty minutes later. This morning, I see a note on my front door reading, "TAKEEVERYTHINGFROMYOU" and then I see the shitstorm of comments from our delightful antagonists. The people outside start up again as I'm typing, but eventually things die down, and I double check my home for problems, then I see what happens on the blog after lunch. Long story short, Jeff falls to the corrupt.

Read the drama for yourself. It's sad, I know, and I seem heartless to just throw that out there without any real emotion, but I'm getting used to tragedy. While Jeff starts falling, I fall for a taunt, and decide to go whoop on Rika. If I were smart, I would've realized she can't be posting on my blog when she's right outside my house, noone's stupid enough to have an open laptop while running around my house slapping windows. Not even Rika I kid. No I don't. So I go out there with my cudgel, chase around two guys I don't know, and smack one of them in the back. Cops show up surprisingly quick considering I didn't call them, and then I get a twenty minute Q&A session with Marion County's finest.

I spin the tale so i'm the persecuted one, which is really true, I just leave out the whole mythos stuff. I even show them the note left on my door. Thanks for that. They pretty much don't do a damn thing for me, aside from telling me that they'll send by a squad car more regularly. And then Flame Wars: Part 3 shows up on my last entry. I think I'll be disabling comments for a while.

I'm sick of it all.

NO no no

Stop it! It's not Nessa. Nessa's gone, we accept that, and move on. Whomever she says she is, it's a lie. She doesn't act like this, you all know it. I just spent four days trying to help pacify all the issues I've been having, mentally and socially, then all of a sudden someone "POPS BACK UP FROM THE DEAD" You don't think that's connected? It's an attempt to discredit me and drive me mad. I'm not falling for it, don't let it happen to you. Come on, what is she? Undead? Pfft, that's not the monster's style, guys. I asked Fizz enough about the actual incident that I don't think she's lying. So in summary. If you're reading this...You're not Nessa. No one is falling for it.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

"Faerie tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Faerie tales tell children that dragons can be killed." ~ Chesterton

Saturday, November 27, 2010


The police came by today, asking me if I knew of any incidents in the complex recently.  I asked what they meant, apparently someone got attacked recently by an unknown assailant.

Yeah...that blood I had on my sword.  Fortunately they were just asking the neighbors.   Not too sure how good my lie was, but I referred them to the incident with Rika that I had.  Even showed them the scab on my head where she banged me with that pipe.

The officer asked me why I hadn't reported it,  I sheepishly made up an excuse that she was someone I had met on the internet, and was trying to 'hook up' with her.  Apparently they bought it, and eventually went on their way.

Fuck, who did I hurt?  What did I do?

God, I can't stand not knowing but if I go confess to the police, I'll miss my chance for vindication on the Solstice.  I'm going to dispose of the blade, maybe bury it, I don't know.  But my weapon has got to go!  I hope that I had nothing to do with it, I *hope* that I cut the /construct/ with it, and not some poor person who had to fend off a deranged me.

I hope so

and as a mood breaker, I noticed this week that apparently my blog lacks credibility in the circles.  Well I already started to fix that, getting rid of all that self delusional nonsense.  However there's more to come.

I'm officially announcing that starting today, I'm a 26 yo Latina mother of 3, who has bouts of insanity leading her to believe she's stalked by a monster that isn't there, and then dies under mysterious circumstances.

Okay that was a cheap laugh on my end.  I suppose I don't have the talent to write something like that.

Take care all.  I'll keep posting.

Friday, November 26, 2010


I think I might be taking a few days off, things got so intense here for a bit.  All sorts of people started showing up, people passed out titles like candy, and things got unbelievable.

I'm going to try to see through all these things I've said and considered over the last few weeks, to try to find the truth of the matter.  There's truth in there somewhere, I just need to sift it out from the garbage.

First piece of garbage, Astral Projection  - Yes I've tried to meditate, in hopes to figure out what to do, it's gotten me nowhere.  It was a worthwhile thought, but its beyond me, you won't hear me mention it again.  I regret the arrogance I had to even consider that I could do something that supernatural.

Second piece of business - Not necessarily garbage, but I want to talk about the titles we use.  They're a symbol, that's a powerful thing, but that's all they are.  It's a representation of what we want to see, but we're also seeing a lot of them now, and to be fair, I've doled out a few myself, because I felt someone needed to see themselves more than just a scared Runner, fleeing a monstrosity.  However, having so many people out there, donning monikers like superheroes sort of dilutes the concept.  So while I am still here, for a few more weeks, I'm going to stop using all of them, in hopes maybe others will do the same.

Third piece of business - Conduits.  This isn't an attack on anyone, Will, but I wanted to voice my thoughts on it.  I admit, I've got good luck, heck, I named my blog after that belief!  But the idea of super powers, tapping into either the monster's power, or our own or whatever, maybe that's not as real as I've thought it is.  Don't delude yourself into thinking you can do more than you can.  I do feel we have potential to do more than what we see before us!  But let's not lie to ourselves more than we need to, to survive a monster.  If you really can do something, sure, whatever, I can't verify it, and if I assume you're lying to me, well maybe I won't bring it up anymore.

Fourth piece of business - The Solstice, it still stands.  I'm still going to believe in this, and in Robert's analysis.  It may lead to nothing, probably won't hear from me again.  Doesn't matter.  I'm losing screws daily now.

Fifth piece of business - Greenlight.  Don't care if he's mad or not, he's my friend, and I have to merit his words, even if he's never been anything more than a man lost in his own mind.  The lesson here, is to judge for yourself what is real and what is not.  I can't tell you what's real.  Let your own common sense flow.  Now, as an alternative advocate's point of view,  words still have power.  This is a major premise of the Core Theory.
I'm going to use a lot more discretion before I start voicing theories from now on, because I haven't guarded my tongue, and look where that got us?

Sixth piece of business - As such, I have to revoke the promise of  full disclosure.  I am sorry, I really am, but I've been a fool these last few weeks, talking about things with such candor. 

Seventh piece of business - I think I've accidentally, in this....grotesque mockery of life that I've been a part of lately, I think I've accidentally pushed people away from me that I respect.  I won't name names, but I will say now, that I hope to set myself right, explore this mythos in the proper way from now on, without comments that envision superheroics and impossible goals.  So to those of you, who I have hoped to......garner a sense of approval from, I am deeply sorry.

Last piece of business - Attitudes.  I'm unsure about this.  I know that we're less afraid of him, at least those that are sort of 'in the circle' as it were.  But do not be stupid about it.  I think we need to dial back our 'let's kick him in the junk' comments.  Enthusiasm is very good, but not to the point of reckless suicide.  Most of us are afraid, and it is alright to be afraid.  I said this before, but noone seemed to hear me.  It's alright to be afraid, it lets you know you're still sane,

As for me, I'm considering leaving this hideout and seeing if my apartment's still there.  I need to sort out what's real, and that means shedding some of this paranoia.  Watchfulness will remain, however. I'm not going to go out and 'derp derp derp, tall guy watching me, herp derp'.  I am going to go home, and find some reality in my life, maybe even watch TV for the first time in a month. 

I ask you all to examine your lives, toss aside the delusions you may have, without a word of acknowledgment and continue on your paths.

Thank you for reading

M, Zeke, and the ones I consider friends whom I have never met.   I'm straightening things up today, I hope I can make one of you proud.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

what words

i'm questioning my own sanity tonight

i see all these blog entries, all these comments, and 'truth'

and i wonder what is real anymore.\

titles, predictions, binary

we're all so dead, we are, i dcant tell anymore

wanted to write you all a nice story today, about all sorts of things
what the fuck is a title
astral palen

here i am musing in a cellar, alone
i cant trust myself, and redlight points out so much

pulling someone back from despair with kind words,
speaking binary
astral plane

fighting off thirty agents
people that are killers
everything feels so heavy, the air si thick

self delusion, the same damn thing i've complaind about since day one\

but if the monster's real, can't we be real too
are we just making things up

let us lookbak today

M  -  on the run, gave us rules, madness, symbols, running always
JAF - a dark mind,  insanity, murder

zeke - zeke...  wanted to fight back, to kill him

a story changes here

jay - analyze hallowed, mad scientist
shaun - almost converted
robert -....analysis, metaphysical

story changes


astral energy
psychic powers
lots of death
so surreal
are we all crazy
maybe just me
definitely me

binary gives me a migraine
why would we speak in binary
language of computers not real

how can I read it?

fucking language shifts, hurts my head
redlight didn't even need to say it
its true
i'm insane
don't trust me
never shoudlve

maybe in my dreams
i'll think i was sane
and did something

life's a fraud.

i don't even think theres a monster
just that need to be someone

fucking titles
this shit cant be real
energy, luck
got to bring myself back

stop letting these damn delusions kill me
you're kill ing me
every fucking post
every update where you're conquering evil with no fear
who the fuck has no fear against pure evil
you can't be real

i fear him, if he's real
if not
i guess ifear myself
damn fool

stupid plans, everything stupid
maybe not all

some of it

tell me you're fucking real, i mean prove it
letting imagination go wild
greenlight, not even there
is this all my fault
my speculations
drove people mad
at least me

it has to be me
oh save us zero sage, you can make shit up better than anyone
dunno what the fuck i've done
i did drink something though
something strange

yeah, i've got a package at home, if its still home

vials were in it
from b



B is real
or just as insane

hope he didn't hurt her

but that was real
and i went to the hospital

maybe it is real
but maybe we need to pull ourselves in

thats it
it's all real but we have to
be believed
maybe it's all still something, you know?


don't admit your mistakes, its fine
we just have to be real now
reign ourselves in,

it's really alright, i know why
it makes sense

Yeah...it does, I think I get it now.  Our imaginations run wild, we want to express how we're going to stop him, to defy...
that really does damage him, even if it's not true.  but we have got to show our fear.  i'm alone here, the weight of shadows down upon me, and i am afraid.  it's fine

we have to be real, otherwise the story won't stick, you see?

Fuck it, I'm keeping my title, I earned it
keep yours, just keep it real
we're a belief guys, we're still strong

and i'll still fight on the solstice, even if its not all real
course then i'll check into the nut house if its not, but whatever
Right now, we're all real

Yeah,  it's hard sometimes to admit the truth, you don't need to.  I will though
I think I hurt someone the other day, I don't know who.  I think that was blood on my blade.  No cops, so I don't know. Just guessing. 

I'll be fine, you will be too.

Still ashamed that Nessa fell back, but maybe she never really came out.  But she proved it can be overcome, I think.

Chin up, keep yourselves real.

Still got a battle to fight.

I think.

So damn confused

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Defcon 3

All bloggers/Runners are advised to seek shelter immediately, and have emergency gear readied,  Shit's going down again.   Recommend that all Runners find good weapons, and a safe place, with net/phone access.  Have emergency info standing by.  I'm set to weather this storm.

Do not answer doors, unless you're absolutely SURE who it is, and they're not Hallowed.  Even so, keep your weapons handy.

Gather extra batteries for flashlights.

Good luck, all.

edit:  Things have died down here, anyone else starting to get clear?

good work so far,  maybe this Defcon thing is a good idea.

update:Made it to Thanksgiving, blacked out more than I'd like.  Nothing else to report.  May be quiet for a day or two.

She lives

edit: more useless banter, Nessa never came back really, she was allowed to pretend as such to taunt us.  The power of fucking dreams is a joke,  greenlight was insane,   But the song is good at least, so this post isn't a total waste.

She lives...Nessa...somehow she fought it off, for now at least...I cannot imagine the strength of will she must have summoned.  Thank you Greenlight, and all you others who have helped pull her from the brink

One thing's for sure, Skinny's going to be LIVID.  Everyone get your total guard up, to avoid any repeats of yesterday.

You all need to hear this, by our Minstrel.

more: later

Dilemma of a Damned

edit: Behold the climax of arrogance, self delusion, and obsession.  It's a bit before this that I decide I can try to fucking...feh, I can't even say it, it's ash in my mouth.  I decide spontaneously, that I can do *something* for a person potentially thousand of miles away.  Oh how important  I thought I was.

The Sage of Nothing has a dilemma... to try to find Nessa in person, and rescue her, face the monster, and his growing army...or to put her aside for the greater good.

greater good...feh

all good is great
I hear you screaming, save her, my heart screams it as well.  how can I not?  I have to save her, but I don't know the way.  I don't even know where she is.

Greenlight's hurt bad...I have a serious question for him.  And until I get that answer, I don't know what my purpose is now.

he says

Rescue Possible
Will Help
Can Restore
If Found.

does it mean him, or Nessa?    Does it matter?  Well, yes, just a little,


she just said 'stay away, please...'  she's still 'there' but corrupted.
of all the soul wrenching things.  he baits me, he lets her live, and taunts me, he wants me to show up, so he can kill me...or maybe all of us.  anyone, just to drive the point home


I said my goodbyes to Nessa, for the day, but not forever.

and I have never felt like such scum before.

pale despair before me

Delusions and Humility

Set a god damn trap for me.

sent rika with a pipe because he just wanted to show i was vulnerable, she could've stabbed me, but no, he wanted me alive a bit longer, to show me my failure

Sat there and taunted me silently as I saw my friends pulled away


god nessa, i'm so sorry

glad to see you others are alright

I was cocky, I got to think that there was no way the plan can fail, and then he comes and reminds me what he can do when he wants to.

i love my family, but he knew to strike here, against you, to shatter me.

yeah it worked, but i still function

haven't seen him today yet, i'm moving, i know a good location, can't give details

should've done this days ago.



i must be delusional, really.  in the midst of despair, i decided that i could save someone miles away.  i don't even know where she lives let alone how to get there.  so i think, alright theres only one form of transit that can get to her, maybe if i can project, i can zip over there, see her and try to free her

stupid idea, 'oh i'm a sage, i can learn to do anything in a fucking week because i'm special' 
fuck that,  never had any luck, just fiddling while rome burns, and watch all my work, all my friends collapse
but what can i do from here?  how can I help anyone?  so i give it a shot again

so i sit down, try to relax, and it takes a moment, my heart keeps racing, and every sound i hear could be him walking in my house.  i manage to clear myself

i blacked out

i don't know what happened, maybe it worked....yeah right.  but i woke up, my sword still in my lap, my legs crossed, with my back to my door

and my doorknob was turning back and forth, i got a good lock on my bedroom door, thank the complex

it rattled and jostled as I got sword  in hand, and just waited for them to crash through my window
and make a last stand

wasn't afraid

full of rage, for nessa, for everyone

it never happened.

after the sounds died down, i investigated my home

mostly alright, some stuff knocked over, and i caught an odd glint of color on my sword, when it hits the light

something's on my blade

i don't know what
where did it come from?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

all alone

i'm all alone now


they're gone, aren't they?

i'm trembling, my heart races...i

i lost

theyre dead

all of them

so sorry

barely got to know you


are you there





always havebeen


i can;t
be alone



Conversations with ole Blankity-Blank

edit: Another prime example of arrogance, look how my guard is down all throughout this blog,  The fucking monster is outside as I type, and I'm talking about an asian girl's ass.   However, in my defense,  it WAS a nice ass.  I can say that now because there's no monsters at my window.   This is the key point where shit goes sour.  If this was a rollercoaster, this is the point where the coaster goes off the fucking track, and takes a god damn nose dive into the cotton candy booth, and someone pops their head up with a beard and wig made of pink cotton.  Except with insanity.

I took some time first to calm down before posting.  Even perused the blog comments, reading new material, new problems, it helped me keep focused a bit, as opposed to oh....screaming at the computer, typing venomous F-Bomb laden language as I frothed at the mouth in fury.

So firstly, if this cuts off early, it's because Fatboy Slim is doing his best impression of a reprobate outside.  Of course I can't figure out why he ends up clicking 'Publish Post', but that's his deal,. not mine.

I've been taking catnaps lately, trying to keep from being vulnerable for too long, as well as do a bit of cardio.  I've never been overly athletic....except with the ladies

> :)

okay that was cheesy as hell, but it's a cheap laugh right?

Slendy thinks it's funny, I can see him laughing.

Wait, no, It's more of unbridled hatred.  Ehh close enough.

So anyway I woke up from my afternoon nap staring at an all too familiar hideousness before me.

My own face.

I was staring into the bathroom mirror, with a steak knife in my hand, and a cut on my wrist.

Son of a bitch tried to off me in my sleep?  Can he do that?  Fucking cheap shot, Jace No-Face.

I forgot to tie that rope around my foot, to aid against sleepwalking, and look where it got me.  So all sharp knives have been pitched.  It was an eclectic group, and I mourn for the steaks I shall have to pass by without them, but better them than me.

The cut's not bad really, it's off to the inside, too far to hit a vein, doesn't really impede my typing either, so it's a lucky break.  I used some super glue and wrapped a makeshift bandage around it, after disinfectant, which hurt worse than the cut, I swear.  What the hell is in that stuff, the tears of a thousand damned?

Right, less Dennis Miller ranting, more daily horror.

Knock on the door about an hour ago.  I check the peephole.  Noone I know, but is cute, so I guardedly open the door, the chain still on.

Me>>>May I help you?
Cutie>>>My car battery is dead, my neighbor said you had some jumper cables?

She sort of swayed in the spot...cute, as I said before.

Me>>> Oh sure! I can help with that.

I've had several issues with dead batteries in my older car, I've had to have several neighbors help me out, so good karma for being able to assist.

I got my jacket on and went outside.

Yeah, distracted, I know, I know, but cute girl.

Let me describe her a bit.

Firstly, she was sort of exotic looking, like maybe part Asian, part Spanish, big bright brown eyes, high cheekbones, a bit short.  She wore a jean jacket with a backpack, and a matching hat that had some little buttons on it.  Some bright green shirt with something on it, I couldn't tell, and I certainly wasn't going to stare at her chest.  (In retrospect, probably should've)

Okay, focus Zero.

So, I get outside, and I leave my implements of improvised destruction behind.  I decide it's better to not threaten the girl with a cudgel or fire extinguisher until I know her better.  Besides, already had a neighbor see me half nekkid in the cold shouting into the night sky.  No need for the police again.

I tell her that the cables are in my car, take three steps and WHACK.

Fuck you, B.  You didn't tell me Rika was cute.  That's important info dude.  Maybe you only saw the psycho hose beast side.

I'm reeling against the staircase to the second floor, and spin around, and there's a pipe in her hands, she says something, and I scramble away, to shake the cobwebs out.

Me>> What the hell?
Her>>  I'm not letting you walk away...
Me>>  Aww fuck.
Me>>  Rika?

She takes a swing at me, I dart back against the wall, she hits the staircase, bong!  It rattles her hands, I grab at the pipe and hold on.

Rika>> No solstice for you, you stupid little
Me>>  I'm anything but little, girly.

I know, right? I fucking said that, a come-on, in the middle of a fight.  But I really meant that I was taller than her, and I'm not a small guy in stature.  I'm not even going 'there',  too many damn slash fics as it is.

I use my strength to my advantage, and wrestle it away from her.

Me>>  Okay, so now what?  Huh?  You going to scamper away or go for round two.
Rika>>  You're dead.
Me>>  Eventually, we all are.
Rika>>  I'll drag you before him, and you'll wish you were dead.
Me>>  ...

I take a moment to try to be witty

Me>>  Air and opportunity, baby.

She lunges, I defend.  She falls over, tripping on my foot, and face down.

I swing with the pipe...

and freeze.

no slendy magic
I just can't...
I can't hit her

Motherfucking Chivalry

I was raised that any man that hurts any woman is scum, and I couldn't do it.

She sees me, pauses, then runs off.

I'd be lying if I didn't look at her rump.  Purely for scientific purposes, I assure you.


Dat Ass

So, a bit later, I see Jack Skellington outside, grooving to the sound of traffic not fifteen feet away.

My second real encounter with him.

I regard him from inside the apartment, all doors nice and locked, all windows and such barricaded.  I look back

I hear him

Noodle-Kaboodle>>  Come outside

Okay...I think, Do I want to go Zeke with the response and just say 'Fuck You'?    Eventually I decide on a Rick O'Connell

I grasp my sword, unsheath it and gaze back

Me>>  I'll be seeing you again....

Monday, November 22, 2010

Ask Zero(Sage)

In the interest of moving things along, I've decided to have a Q&A thread set up.  In case any of you have any questions for me,  I'll update the page as the comments roll in.

If you have basic questions about Running, however, i direct you back to The Tutorial.

Fire away.

What are your thoughts on the upcoming Solstice?

I can't fully explain this for one sole reason, that being that there are still Agents reading the blog,  needless to say I realistically do not intend to beat him.  I've been talking with Amelia(Sage) though, and we think we can free some Hallowed under his control.

I want to survive it all, certainly, but really, one or two lives for potentially 10-30?  It's worth a risk.

If we fall, well you still have Maduin(SJS) and Shaun(Guide) to work with, so you won't be without help.

You're willing to sacrifice yourself and Amelia for a better cause? You sure about this Zero?
She believes the same as I, that we have to take this chance to score a victory against him however slim.   I know it really sounds like I'm putting myself up for martyrdom, I assure you that's not the case.  
Two reasons why I am willing.

I was picked as a Sage, someone to find the answers despite the risks.  At first, I was very unwilling to consider this option, if you look back, my first reaction to Greenlight was 'Oh....crap".  But I fell into it, I see how so many things are connected now.  It's a chain reaction, it always has been.  Too much time has passed before the last 'link' in the chain sparked to life.  We cannot let this situation stagnate, we must keep up momentum, since killing him....the Slender Man, is almost impossible even now, most likely even with the Solstice, we have to count our victory another way, either by injury to him, more than a temporary wound, something that may maim him for life,  the other way is to save the Hallowed, if but a few of them.  Amelia has more thoughts on this than I do, it's all metaphysical of course, but I don't have the spirit to grasp that part, I think.

Second reason, as a Sage, I am probably certifiably insane.  No need to remind me about it.  I believe one Harlene Quinzel said that 'There are two times in which a person shows flagarant disregard for the rules of life, society, and personal health.  One is when they are insane, one is when they are in love."   Now I do not know a third of you people really, but....yeah.  I've taken a great interest in humanity these last few weeks, warts and all, we can be a good wholesome people at times, least I can do for you all is my role.

Okay, so there's a third reason.  I'm really not too certain how much longer I'll be whole, certainly the signs have been shown that I've had problems recently,  and I made my promise that I won't give in.  so yeah.
... Zero, do you have any family? 
I do, a small one.  I'm the younger of two.  My brother lives in Michigan doing humanitarian research.  My father is retired after leaving on bad terms with the state, that I don't need to go into.  My mother works at a hardware chain as a manager.

All in all, I've been extremely fortunate to have had their love and support.  And while I haven't seen eye to eye with my brother for years, we've reconciled since. 

Hey zero, I don't get people like Reach. Why would anyone side with gaunt?

Well, that's a hard question to answer. I don't really know it either, but his powers of persuasion are very intense, in essence he can force you to feel a certain amount of empathy to him.  Remember the classic line

"We didn't want to go, we didn't want to kill them, but its persistent silence and outstretched arms horrified and comforted us at the same time..."

Then there's all the sick freaks like Conaghan who want to see the world burn.  
Do think the other one will also make an appearance during the solstice? If it does what effect do you think it would have on the outcome of the aftermath? 

Depends on if you mean the myserious //it//, the Rake or Greenlight   Ideally, it'd be an evil fights evil sort of thing, but if they're in concert, well....when you expect death from a fool's errand, it can hardly get worse if there are two of them, eh?

What can you do to keep TDF out of your house? Do you think stuff like protective symbols work?

Personally, I believe all the symbols are simply personal focus tools to reinforce your will against his.  We know he can get in your house if he really wants to, even with the symbols up.  What I really think the symbols do for us is it lets us tap into that sense of protection we need to actually keep him at bay, just tapping into that psychic part of our minds.  Most likely, it works because we think it works, however it's not fully capable, because others think it calls him, so it's considered shaky but worthwhile in the long run.

*note*  I can't figure out why the format keeps shifting or why it's bold...

Must be the Full Moon

What the hell is wrong with everyone?

Flame wars:The World Burns is being featured on my blog, and over at Scared/H(a)unted.

if this is some publicity stunt to advertise a story, I'll be pissed



Calm it down, or take it outside.


Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Solstice Looms/Clarion Call

edit: Whole theory is corrupted, still planning on attempting the Solstice event on the grounds of that my life is a fucking joke, and I'd rather die testing him for vulnerabilities on lunar events than to live another month, wallowing in my own despair.

The Solstice comes soon, it will be a powerful night.  Who will stand with me and fight the Slender Man on that night?  I won't wait for him any longer.

It's been said before

Omega inspired me to announce my plan, seeing his picture of an epic confrontation.  Us, as many of us who blog, to band together, and rise as one, slay the monster.

Marble Hornets hasn't responded to my thoughts.  Why should they?  I'm noone to them.  It's alright, I'll fight him alone if I must, but I won't stand down against him, won't stand on the sidelines.

If you really...really...are willing to fight.  Maybe we can do some damage.

I'm real tired,  just dreaming of a future where we can end our tale happily.

I mean, what will we accomplish at best?  Can we kill him?  Others will still tell his tale, either in jest or sincerity.  Youtube documentation won't cease because I tell you I put a sword into him.  You wouldn't believe me, would you?  I wouldn't believe it either I think.  We see him as invincible.

but we can lessen him.  maybe we'll never kill him per se.  but maybe we can reduce him to a shadow of himself, less powerful, less scary.

Zeke started it

Robert showed us

edit: Robert's a fucking joke, twice as insane as I could ever be.  I wish him well in his new life, may he live a life happy and full of personal joy.       fucking crying again. 

we're taking him down pegs at a time. and we have another chance coming up

guardians, sages, heroes, warriors.  titles have strength, but must we fail without a hero?

Cannot a sage or a guardian do some damage alone?

duel the monster with a katana, iaijutsu style.   oh if I had the skill.

really tired tonight, it's not me going crazy, don't worry my friends.

but I did decide, yeah...i'm going to do some work soon, be prepared, okay?

I I think he'll be vulnerable that night for a reason.  Greenlight mentioned it,  halloween and the Solstice

he'll be vulnerable because he'll be *here*

you know, more physically here than ever before.  That means two things guys.

First, he won't need to break us down mentally to attack us, to kill us.  He's like Freddy you see.  Has to work us down for the most part.  Granted this is not always the case, but it's really hard to know his target's sanity beforehand.

Secondly, this means he'll be vulnerable to us.  Maybe he'll still shrug off bullets, or my sword, but he'll be able to suffer this damage a lot more than ever before, without having to have ectoplasm to fight him back.

it is an opportunity that's rare to get.

who wants to kill a slender man?  Tickets going on sale.

don't say you will do this, if you don't mean it.

good night all, just barking in the dark again.  Nothing bad.

you're my heroes, you know.

probably telling you things that we don't need to discuss, but

total disclosure, my first of two promises

never give in, never get taken, my second promise

tomorrow starts a new quest, and maybe a stun gun too...electricity.

ectoplasm conducts it

it'll help zap agents too, less lethal, better in general.  maybe we'll save some of them


goodnight all. sweet dreams

i'll think of you, you don't need to think of me though,  less you think of me and him, the better you are

never bow, never break, never give, always take,
you monster, you tool, i'm your sage, you're my fool
you spread your lies, spread your madness, clean your mess, rid your sadness
i'll not bow to you
you're just another fake
death comes, so true
never another soul to take

I can't let you win, you won't let me be
sages and monsters, finally my destiny, clear, before me

but where will we go next
who rises to be our knight
don't you all see
the hero is right
before you
it is


it's always been you
every last one of you
we are our own heroes, guys
face that fact

we always have had the power to fight for ourselves, haven't we?

its funny to think of it like that

we sort of kill ourselves a little if we kill him, he's us you know, our worst side.

can you kill your hate,  certainly cant love it

1 am, 36 hours without sleep, so tired now, i'll see you all later

good night, take care my family.  i'll keep you safe, I promise

forever, i promise, i'm always here, even when you don't see me

my third promise now.

i'll fight him for you, may not win, but i won't let him get to you anymore

well, as many as i can save.  maybe everyone someday

so grand to consider

good night

Friday, November 19, 2010


edit:  Warning, Cluster F Bombs ahoy
2nd edit:  Pretty sure this happened.  I know I got my ass beat, and there are marks on the door, I don't think I did those.




edit:  Okay I'm calming down.   Sunuvabitch, shit just happened, I'll update right now so you know I'm mostly okay.

2nd edit:  Alright that's done.

shit man....i just had my ass beat,  i'm sitting here, catching up on comments, just commented bout Nessa and suddenly, i'm at my front door, with it open, and two masked assholes drag me out of my home onto the sidewalk.  i fight them, i mean they're agents not robbers, so go to kill right. 

shivering damnit

so i kick at one of em, knock him down, the other grabs my arms pushes me down, got kicked in the ribs and they tried to put some cord around my hands, all restrained face down on the ground.  i curse and kick and struggle, they both hold me down, one of em hits me in the head with something.  they hold me down,a nd fuckin gaunt is in front of me.  i mean right there\

surreal shit, i'm in my damn boxers its 20 degrees out being put fuckin prostrate before a damn abomination. i scream, i get hit, gaunt looks at me.  i say some stupid shit to him.  he tilts his head and out come the fuckin tentacles and i go oh shit this is it, fuckin dead  well choke on me you rat bastard.

fucking neighbor dog runs up the sidewalk starts barking at him.  fuckin poodle dog man

slendy freaks

he vanishes, agents surprised, i slip out of cord and turn the damn place into the 2006 royal rumble.  shove first into siding, other hits me from behind,  i scramble into house, they tackle me, i kick em off, grab my knife, try to stab, miss twice, dogpiled, beaten, shoved em off, kicked one in head, other scrambles away.

i grab the one left, grab the mask, go fuckin scooby doo, pull the damn thing off

fucking runner i talked too last week, fucking hallowed ...
i knew this guy kinda, was wantin to help him
trying to kill me or somethin

whyd i open that door
damm its...god...i'm okay,really, but what the hell,  did i black out
cant stop shivering

fucking neighbor comes over to get the dog, i'm on the sidewalk with a knife and a bottle in my boxers, no fuckin agent to be seen.

prolly getting cops called on me as we speak.

bad fucking night guys
i cant be hallowed damn it, sage fucking zero, recognize, too strong for this shit

had my glass of table salt and blue food dye, feeling better.


son of a bitch

i'm sorry guys, i'm letting you down, i don't mean to

fuckers stepped on my hand

i gotta run soon, gotta get my shit and go.  tonight IF i fucking sleep, tying a cord around my foot and about my bed, good for sleepwalkers, it'll do.

fucking crying

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Quick Namechange

never liked being known as Zerombr, so I shortened it.  saves me some trouble of telling folks to call me Zero...then again, maybe I should use the title given.  What do you think?

Save vs Death

Ok so myself and St. Vee's Hospital both decided we'd like to see other people, so I was released.  Good thing too, I can't stand medical work.  I was born in a Hospital, and that's been it for my visits, till now at least.

I don't know even where to start with all the thoughts i have today, so just bear with me.

First, I guess I'm thankful for your kind words, and a bit embarassed at them at the same time.  Kinda funny though, that half of you thought I was dead, the other half assumed I was Hallowed...yeah

I dunno about that last one.

Anyway to clarify what happened, I indeed took a decision out of B's hands after 'persuading' him to give me the tools needed to perform the move.   What I didn't expect was such a foul reaction to it.  It sort of felt like...well, like someone ripped a big gash in your soul, and then twisted it.  It's something I don't wish upon anyone.  Is that...what being Hallowed feels like? 

So when I made up my mind, I opened up my blog, and drank the mixture.  I figured if it was going to be dangerous, I needed to let you know what was going on.  I know I was stupid and damn mysterious with it.  I mean the suddenness of it had to be a shock, but I didn't want anyone to persuade me otherwise.   So, I took the decision away from you.  I'm sorry about that.  It's like I lied to you all, but not mentioning it, so in the interest of full disclosure...

I saw him.


Not fun.

Apparently after I dialed 911, and unlocked my front door, I sat down on the floor and passed out.  Sometime after the paramedics (bless them all) had me en route, I woke up and started screaming.   It was enough that after I had settled down, and became more stable, that I got interrogated by their on staff psychiatrist or whatever.  I really didn't pay attention to his job title. So I played evasive and non committal to his questions as best I could, and he knew it.  So we wasted some time with questions I didn't want to answer, and him trying to passively glean more from me.

I eventually asked if I could have some net access real fast, which meant I'd have to leave the room, since computers weren't allowed in the ICU.  That took some doing, but I sort of leveraged him into it, alluding to the fact I'd probably answer his questions straight up after I got to send out my message.

So that's how I posted the other day.  With about 3 minutes of net access.

On my way back to my room, feeling like a ton of crap in a five pound bag, I looked out my window.


It was in the parking lot.

I...I'd like to say that I wasn't afraid of him, but the sudden shock of finally seeing the monster caused me to drop onto the bed, dumbfounded.  It was more the feel of reality crashing down around me, finally seeing with my own eyes what was responsible for all the horrors we've seen.  The worst part is...it felt comforting. 


I shook it off, told the psych major I was tired and spent the night staring out the window

Blood work was done, analysis, all that stuff, in fact I'm scheduled to go back in later for more, but I don't think I'm going to do that, too many questions, and I really don't want to get anyone else involved.

Today I was released, played around in the wheelchair for 30 seconds or so, scanned the parking lot for old enemies, got a ride home from a friend, bought some blue food coloring and table salt, then came on here.

So yeah, big day.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Fool's Errand/Tales of Projectile Vomit

I'm an idiot

I've got to be clinicically insane to do what I do, in the mame of morbid curiosity..and a vain attempt to

I'm sick to my stumach and have huge dark spots in my eyes.  I can barely see right now,  Forgive me typos.

I left work  early today waiting for the mail, I had an important delivery. from someoone i dont even lnow for a purpose far too grand.  I sat there with a gallon jug, filled with ice, water and some special things.

fefore my reckless ness damned me  I decided to tbhink about it a bit more.

i weighed my promise.  I promised him id do everything to safe his girl.  greenlight gave us the way to do it.  him or her, someone had to be marked, someone was damned.  I took the thurd option

did my vow to him overwrite my duty as a9Sage) I have a responsibility to people to help

but who had i really helped  who was safe

i mahy have provided guidance and theories but who was safe/

if it wasnt for the fact he is in love, maybe i would have declined

but its love dammit,  so i trank it.

i've vomitted six times, and cannot hold liquid in me in any form...its anightmare.  rest comes to vividdreams laughingdarkness uithink hes fighting me rightnow

calling 911




Friday, November 12, 2010

The Gamble/A Big Secret

edit:  **Alert, Bullshit Ahead.  This shit's all false, corrupted data, and useless speculation, don't bother trying to make sense of it.  I leave it here as a reminder of my arrogance, stupidity and downright dementia of a previous time.  Take care**

Alright my friends, today's a big day for this blog.  I have decided that now's a good time to unveil my belief about ole Gaunt.  I've sort of dreaded this day since I put the pieces together because it's a bit exotic in belief.  It's been conjectured by smarter people than I that the construct is really put together from our individual concepts of who he should be.  This does allow for variances in attitude, abilities and sightings.  Sometimes he 'talks', other times he writes, most of the time he doesn't do either, just having Hallowed do his work for him in that regard.  If I explain to you my belief, and it doesn't pan out, if it is not believed.  I'm not certain...maybe he'll change to represent that, and in a mild rebuke, I'll lose whatever slim credibility I am supposed to have.

So I decided to take the gamble, and do it anyway.  'Go big or go home', as I say when playing cards.  First, let me ease you into the concept

His abilities        

Teleportation - almost always near instantaneous, to anywhere at any time.  This means he has to have access from somewhere else, where time isn't an issue.

Alien Nature - For the most part, we can't fathom his goals or beliefs.  He is outside our understanding.  This could mean an alien nature, dimensional or planetary.

Malleable Body - Tentacles, multiple arms, inhuman features.  He can adjust at will.  This to me suggests two things,  his body doesn't have standard blood and organs in it, and two, its a form he assumes, meaning he probably possesses it, or manifests it.  While always similar, to some people he has different qualities.

Other Side-  He's associated with fog, or mist.  Greenlight followed him to 'somewhere'.  A dark reflection of our world perhaps, but marshy.  So we can assume that this is his home, this is where he comes from.

Substance-  He was damaged by a fire extinguisher.  My assumption is that he was only suseptable to it because it was fog-like in nature.  It caused him to leave, and in doing so, left behind some goo of some sort.  You Ghostbuster fans might call it 'slime'.  I think it's appropriate enough.  We also know that Robert has announced that a weapon coated in the substance can damage him.  It needs something from 'beyond' to impact it.

Social Conscious-  As mentioned several times, it's believed that 'we' made him, as a ruse, and it took form.  We all focused on him, and it came to be.  The vast potential of the human race, or at least the fragment that inhabits the internet, still reeling socially from the instant gratification and societal changes that ensued, saw ourselves free of rules.  Reality didn't matter here, and our minds opened up.   Let me say that a different way.  Our minds put him together, our minds establish his abilities, and when he approaches one of us, that person's personal reflection of him is encouraged.  People who watch Marble Hornets, or EverymanHYBRID have a visual representation, and generally 'tune into' that character.

So if you're still with me, follow me two steps further.  First, we created him, using the untapped potential of our communal nature.  Pooling our mental power accidentally.

Mental Power

Psychic Power

There exists a place that allows for every single thing that TDF can accomplish.  It's a place where dreams get their power, and where people can visit if they're gifted enough.  Technically it has two parts, a mirror of our world, where all sorts of fantastic things may occur, as dreams run rampant, created from ectoplasm.  Yes...Ectoplasm, the substance.  The second part of this special place is, as I understand, full of shapes and energies, barely formed horrors and wild mystery, but I don' t think this is part of him...

This place is the Astral Plane.

I just took a deep breath, it feels good to announce my conjecture.  This is also the reason I've taken up meditation, to see if maybe I can go there of my own volition.  No luck on that by the way.

It makes sense though, ectoplasm needed to damage ectoplasm.  all of his abilities are reflected in the abilities of malevolent ectoplasm.  This is where, I believe, the boogeyman comes from.

Thank you for reading.  I await your responses.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Unruly Interruption

edit:  This is all accurate, I think, except for the joke when I call myself sane.

I am back, sane and sober, and a bit startled.  I decided that I needed to focus for a bit, that maybe I'd try for a bit every day or so to meditate, clear my mind of all fears and horrors, and really let my mind go.  I sat in my room, my lights off, in what approximate I can do of the lotus position you always see.  Having done no research into it, I just did what you always imagine for meditation.  It was nice, really.  I'm always so cluttered with thoughts, it makes it hard to sleep even when I'm not panicking about ole Gaunt or his agents.

I had to put out the sound of the neighbors upstairs stomping around, dogs outside, and cars on the street.  I even hummed softly to myself as I relaxed.  It was dizzying after a bit, I felt as if I was being pulled up and forward, just a few inches.  Then I started to hear a rapping sound, like on my front door, so I stood and went out into the hallway.  I don't usually get visitors, any of my few neighbors just try to sell me bootlegs.  I guardedly went to the door, to see who was outside, when I noticed that it wasn't at my door, but my window.  I've got a venetian blind by my comp that has a little ripped out of it, which until now didn't seem like an issue, but it's the right height for a pair of eyes to look in.  I went to my table to get my replica katana I won in a game contest, and my phone, if it were an emergency.

I used the blade to push back the blinds, and saw a face looking back at me.  Startled, I fell backwards tripping over my chair.  It wasn't *him* but it was someone looking into my home!  I scrambled to my feet, and out the front door to encircle the apartment.  I saw him there, a ratty guy who had turned to face me, it was the same hobo from before...

Still blitzed mentally by the sudden shock, I talked to him hesitantly, saying approximately this.

Me>>> You!  Whoa, sir, I don't have a lot of money.
Runner>>>  You're the guy, right?
Me>>> Uhm...more specific?  I talked to you the other day.

He came towards me, his hands before him, as if to grab me.  I gestured to my sword as I tried to try to thumb dial the house phone for 911.

Runner>>>  Being chased!
Me>>>  Is that what this is about?  The Sl....

I fumble over his name, still hesitant to call him by name.

Me>>>  The monster, the thin monster.  Is he here?

I cursed myself for leaving my kitchen extinguisher inside, as I looked around.  The headlights of cars were flashing along the road beside my house, giving a strobe effect to the grounds.

Runner>>>  He's too close, I gotta go
Me>>>  Stay with me, I've got to know, I've got to see.
Runner>>>  Spiders, I see them, even in my dreams
Me>>>  Sir, come inside!

I pleaded with him,  My heart threatened to burst out of my chest as I looked around for death, for him.  Part of me hoped that at least I'd see him, just once before he got to me.  Maybe then I'd be what the Sages are supposed to be.

I saw nothing.

Even when I looked back, the homeless gent was running.  I took flight after him as best I could, but to no avail, my nightvision sucks, and he was fleeter than I had ever been.

Alright, he's gone but he still has a pursuer tonight.  I headed back inside, got my extinguisher, put it in my good hand and went out to explore.


This monster was close at hand, and still no sign of him.  I should've used my camera camcorder to look for him, though I doubt it'd show in the dark.

Even as irritated as I am that I missed my chance, my chance to stand against him, to try to conquer the fear that plagues me, I am concerned about that runner more.  He came to me, I do not know if it were for help or blind...luck, but he was at my window, and he ran away in a panic.

I broke out the masking tape, putting up the symbol on my windows and walls, and recounted my weapons about the house.  A broken bed leg is a decent cudgel, It'll be better when I carve the symbol on all its faces.  I've got a Hypnotik bottle that is just right for blunt damage, and then there's the blade.  It's not too sharp, but it'll do some damage, plus it's got reach.  Aside my bed, I have glow in the dark tape, with a large pair of

(X) (X) 

looking across the room to the window.

I take a few deep breaths, focus myself again, and exhale.  I imagine the room aglow in golden light, a precious safe light, and envision it to fill my home, and I am at peace for a bit longer.

Out of Touch

No luck finding the runner in my town, he wasn't at his last position, and there wasn't anyone there that would know his whereabouts.  I've got a theory to explore, though it's probably a dead end.  I'll be incommunicado for a few hours I think.  I'll post back soon, if not tonight.