Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Conversations with ole Blankity-Blank

edit: Another prime example of arrogance, look how my guard is down all throughout this blog,  The fucking monster is outside as I type, and I'm talking about an asian girl's ass.   However, in my defense,  it WAS a nice ass.  I can say that now because there's no monsters at my window.   This is the key point where shit goes sour.  If this was a rollercoaster, this is the point where the coaster goes off the fucking track, and takes a god damn nose dive into the cotton candy booth, and someone pops their head up with a beard and wig made of pink cotton.  Except with insanity.

I took some time first to calm down before posting.  Even perused the blog comments, reading new material, new problems, it helped me keep focused a bit, as opposed to oh....screaming at the computer, typing venomous F-Bomb laden language as I frothed at the mouth in fury.

So firstly, if this cuts off early, it's because Fatboy Slim is doing his best impression of a reprobate outside.  Of course I can't figure out why he ends up clicking 'Publish Post', but that's his deal,. not mine.

I've been taking catnaps lately, trying to keep from being vulnerable for too long, as well as do a bit of cardio.  I've never been overly athletic....except with the ladies

> :)

okay that was cheesy as hell, but it's a cheap laugh right?

Slendy thinks it's funny, I can see him laughing.

Wait, no, It's more of unbridled hatred.  Ehh close enough.

So anyway I woke up from my afternoon nap staring at an all too familiar hideousness before me.

My own face.

I was staring into the bathroom mirror, with a steak knife in my hand, and a cut on my wrist.

Son of a bitch tried to off me in my sleep?  Can he do that?  Fucking cheap shot, Jace No-Face.

I forgot to tie that rope around my foot, to aid against sleepwalking, and look where it got me.  So all sharp knives have been pitched.  It was an eclectic group, and I mourn for the steaks I shall have to pass by without them, but better them than me.

The cut's not bad really, it's off to the inside, too far to hit a vein, doesn't really impede my typing either, so it's a lucky break.  I used some super glue and wrapped a makeshift bandage around it, after disinfectant, which hurt worse than the cut, I swear.  What the hell is in that stuff, the tears of a thousand damned?

Right, less Dennis Miller ranting, more daily horror.

Knock on the door about an hour ago.  I check the peephole.  Noone I know, but is cute, so I guardedly open the door, the chain still on.

Me>>>May I help you?
Cutie>>>My car battery is dead, my neighbor said you had some jumper cables?

She sort of swayed in the spot...cute, as I said before.

Me>>> Oh sure! I can help with that.

I've had several issues with dead batteries in my older car, I've had to have several neighbors help me out, so good karma for being able to assist.

I got my jacket on and went outside.

Yeah, distracted, I know, I know, but cute girl.

Let me describe her a bit.

Firstly, she was sort of exotic looking, like maybe part Asian, part Spanish, big bright brown eyes, high cheekbones, a bit short.  She wore a jean jacket with a backpack, and a matching hat that had some little buttons on it.  Some bright green shirt with something on it, I couldn't tell, and I certainly wasn't going to stare at her chest.  (In retrospect, probably should've)

Okay, focus Zero.

So, I get outside, and I leave my implements of improvised destruction behind.  I decide it's better to not threaten the girl with a cudgel or fire extinguisher until I know her better.  Besides, already had a neighbor see me half nekkid in the cold shouting into the night sky.  No need for the police again.

I tell her that the cables are in my car, take three steps and WHACK.

Fuck you, B.  You didn't tell me Rika was cute.  That's important info dude.  Maybe you only saw the psycho hose beast side.

I'm reeling against the staircase to the second floor, and spin around, and there's a pipe in her hands, she says something, and I scramble away, to shake the cobwebs out.

Me>> What the hell?
Her>>  I'm not letting you walk away...
Me>>  Aww fuck.
Me>>  Rika?

She takes a swing at me, I dart back against the wall, she hits the staircase, bong!  It rattles her hands, I grab at the pipe and hold on.

Rika>> No solstice for you, you stupid little
Me>>  I'm anything but little, girly.

I know, right? I fucking said that, a come-on, in the middle of a fight.  But I really meant that I was taller than her, and I'm not a small guy in stature.  I'm not even going 'there',  too many damn slash fics as it is.

I use my strength to my advantage, and wrestle it away from her.

Me>>  Okay, so now what?  Huh?  You going to scamper away or go for round two.
Rika>>  You're dead.
Me>>  Eventually, we all are.
Rika>>  I'll drag you before him, and you'll wish you were dead.
Me>>  ...

I take a moment to try to be witty

Me>>  Air and opportunity, baby.

She lunges, I defend.  She falls over, tripping on my foot, and face down.

I swing with the pipe...

and freeze.

no slendy magic
I just can't...
I can't hit her

Motherfucking Chivalry

I was raised that any man that hurts any woman is scum, and I couldn't do it.

She sees me, pauses, then runs off.

I'd be lying if I didn't look at her rump.  Purely for scientific purposes, I assure you.


Dat Ass

So, a bit later, I see Jack Skellington outside, grooving to the sound of traffic not fifteen feet away.

My second real encounter with him.

I regard him from inside the apartment, all doors nice and locked, all windows and such barricaded.  I look back

I hear him

Noodle-Kaboodle>>  Come outside

Okay...I think, Do I want to go Zeke with the response and just say 'Fuck You'?    Eventually I decide on a Rick O'Connell

I grasp my sword, unsheath it and gaze back

Me>>  I'll be seeing you again....


  1. Dear god, are you okay?

    I suddenly feel bad for joking around...

    Dang, I suspected you'd be getting cracked over the head the second you mentioned a cute girl. If not because of Slendypossession, because you're so bad with the ladies. (Only kidding. What the hell is wrong with me?)

  2. Next time you see bean pole tell him I said hi, and that also next time he sends agent's at me they wont be coming back.

  3. Nessa, if I can make wry slashfic comments while he's staring at the back of my head, you don't need to feel bad.

    He may not be afraid of me, but he's being cautious. So long as I keep my head level, I'll be fine. Or so I'll tell myself...

    oh he's gone, well that's good

    no wait, back again

    I just yelled "Look you fuck, either stalk me or leave, but you don't have time to take smoke breaks, make up your mind."

    no reaction

  4. Lol, good one.

    I'm just glad he's not here.

    *checks window*

  5. Well shit.
    Tough break Zero.
    Nice to see you're still alive.
    And Rick O'Connell?
    Didn't know you were a fan of the Mummy.
    You could have also said:
    "Bring It On."

    A Keeper

    It isn't against chivalry to press grab her and press her against a wall if she was trying to off you with a pipe. What you did was a good thing though.

  6. @Nessa I would have joined in the fun last post, but I haven't been feeling all that humorous recently.
    @Zero sucks ol' pastey is hanging out with you tonight. The guy really needs work on his people skills.

  7. You could also have done a Robert(Guardian) and said "Bring. It."

    That man is my hero, btw.

  8. @Jeff I dunno, if I got too close to her, well I remember she carried a knife when she was after B. I'd rather not get shanked.

  9. While I admire Robert, and all he's done, I'd say Zeke's more my hero, as I've said before, he started the counterattack.

  10. Zeke might have started the counterattack, but it was Robert(Guardian) who started organizing people into the roles we have now.

    I think it's mainly the reason we've survived so long.

    And damnit, Slim Jim still won't show up. I could take it. I could take whatever he throws at me, creepy standing, staring without eyes, unless he touches me. O_O

  11. Getting shanked is definitely not a fun thing to do.

  12. So he's there now, Nessa? Probably heard you...stay strong, Herald, don't give in.

  13. Just called 911, there's an entire fucking tribe of masked guys outside. Posting an update later

  14. shit's brewing, dammit. Well I guess it was bound to, being as we've been advertising our plans.

    Get a weapon, get in a closet, don't make a sound

    hell don't even read this post, get moving!

  15. They killed him.

    I'm alone.

    Staring contest.

    Oh god, what do I do?

  16. Shit, they're breaking down the door.

    Where are my fucking neighbors? At work.

    I'm just one person... one person cowering in a closet...

    Don't let them take me, I don't want to go

  17. Shit.
    God damn it all...
    Stay Safe Herald.
    A Keeper

  18. Fuck you to Hell. Fuck all of you.
    God damn it.

    Nothing we could do...


    What do we do?

    A Keeper

  19. Its not been a good past few days. Zero(Sage) if you're willing to take a Fool's advice here's what I do, I simply refuse to accept my opponent's humanity. It's especially easy with the 'Husks' they belong to it. Girls, got no advice for you there I grew up around a bunch of martial arts chicks who I spared with pretty commonly, again denying them 'humanity' so they're not 'girls' they're 'enemies' can be helpful.

    There is a bright side to all this, it obviously does fear the upcoming solstice and is trying to take out the most prominent Fighters involved. Wonder if that means the Keeper'll be seeing some Husks or it soon.

    Good luck everyone.

  20. I kept myself blank.
    I never posted my location.
    God, Zero. Please.
    I don't want to die.

    A Keeper

  21. hehe...r shouldnt hav left his computre signed on.

    the boss man will b hearin abut this alrigh

  22. Man, if you didn't have any jumper cables, her witty plan would have fallen right through.

    And damn, you are pretty fucking lucky she brought out a pipe and not a knife.

    You'd also be doomed if all of your Agent buddies were female. Gosh, tough luck.

  23. They've surrounded my houses as well. haven't found where I'm hiding yet weapon in hand all attack points blocked I'll hold them off as long as I can. . . They're above me now.

  24. They're gone I think. . . There was loud monotone scream in my head. I haven't heard any movement or sensed anything for few minutes. . .

  25. FUCK!

    what the hell is going on?

  26. Bloody goddamned arse biting buggery.

    The hell. This is complete bollocks. God almighty.

    Sorry, had to get that out. Glad you're okay at the moment Zero, though didn't you have plans to run? I mean, I kinda think you've gotta get out of there. And Nessa... Christ, I think it's the full moon or some shit. What can I do? Is there anything any of us can do?

  27. We pray Jean.
    We pray.

    Protect her God.
    You owe her and I that much.

    A Keeper

  28. Hiding right now... //It// is mobilizing too... Bunch of his servants are on my tail. Praying for Nessa, too. ~Rose

  29. Are you sure most of you are not, ah, jumping at shadows?

    As far as I know, other than a few scattershot organizations, any follower would be rather divided and separate from others. To plan a movement against Marked/Chosen on this scale is a bit unbelievable.

    I know I was never informed. But I don't get told much anyway.

    Your "Agents" have to start giving tips on finding others like them. Is there an Agent dating service somewhere?

  30. Rika's a fucking pyscho bitch. I guess her trying to kill and tortuure us kind of blocked her cuteness. Zero get a taser or something. That follows chivalry right?