Thursday, November 25, 2010

what words

i'm questioning my own sanity tonight

i see all these blog entries, all these comments, and 'truth'

and i wonder what is real anymore.\
\god\\

titles, predictions, binary

we're all so dead, we are, i dcant tell anymore

wanted to write you all a nice story today, about all sorts of things
what the fuck is a title
astral palen

here i am musing in a cellar, alone
i cant trust myself, and redlight points out so much

pulling someone back from despair with kind words,
speaking binary
astral plane

fighting off thirty agents
people that are killers
everything feels so heavy, the air si thick

self delusion, the same damn thing i've complaind about since day one\

but if the monster's real, can't we be real too
are we just making things up


let us lookbak today

M  -  on the run, gave us rules, madness, symbols, running always
JAF - a dark mind,  insanity, murder

zeke - zeke...  wanted to fight back, to kill him

a story changes here

jay - analyze hallowed, mad scientist
shaun - almost converted
robert -....analysis, metaphysical

story changes

now

astral energy
psychic powers
lots of death
unrealism
fighting
prophesy
titles
so surreal
are we all crazy
maybe just me
yeah
definitely me

binary gives me a migraine
why would we speak in binary
language of computers not real

how can I read it?

fucking language shifts, hurts my head
redlight didn't even need to say it
its true
i'm insane
don't trust me
never shoudlve

maybe in my dreams
i'll think i was sane
and did something

life's a fraud.

i don't even think theres a monster
just that need to be someone

fucking titles
conduits
guns
this shit cant be real
energy, luck
got to bring myself back
somehow

stop letting these damn delusions kill me
you're kill ing me
every fucking post
every update where you're conquering evil with no fear
who the fuck has no fear against pure evil
you can't be real

i fear him, if he's real
if not
i guess ifear myself
stupid
damn fool

stupid plans, everything stupid
maybe not all

some of it

yeah
tell me you're fucking real, i mean prove it
letting imagination go wild
greenlight, not even there
is this all my fault
my speculations
drove people mad
at least me

yes
it has to be me
oh save us zero sage, you can make shit up better than anyone
dunno what the fuck i've done
i did drink something though
something strange

yeah, i've got a package at home, if its still home

vials were in it
from b

yeah

B

B is real
or just as insane

hope he didn't hurt her

but that was real
and i went to the hospital

maybe it is real
but maybe we need to pull ourselves in
yeah

thats it
it's all real but we have to
be believed
maybe it's all still something, you know?

everyone

don't admit your mistakes, its fine
we just have to be real now
reign ourselves in,

it's really alright, i know why
it makes sense

Yeah...it does, I think I get it now.  Our imaginations run wild, we want to express how we're going to stop him, to defy...
that really does damage him, even if it's not true.  but we have got to show our fear.  i'm alone here, the weight of shadows down upon me, and i am afraid.  it's fine

we have to be real, otherwise the story won't stick, you see?

Fuck it, I'm keeping my title, I earned it
keep yours, just keep it real
we're a belief guys, we're still strong

and i'll still fight on the solstice, even if its not all real
course then i'll check into the nut house if its not, but whatever
Right now, we're all real

Yeah,  it's hard sometimes to admit the truth, you don't need to.  I will though
I think I hurt someone the other day, I don't know who.  I think that was blood on my blade.  No cops, so I don't know. Just guessing. 

I'll be fine, you will be too.

Still ashamed that Nessa fell back, but maybe she never really came out.  But she proved it can be overcome, I think.

Chin up, keep yourselves real.

Still got a battle to fight.

I think.

So damn confused

69 comments:

  1. Don't start shit with me tonight, I can barely keep my sanity as it is.

    Just saying

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  2. We love you Zero. Doubt happens. It doesn't matter. "We're all mad here."

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  3. but fizz and will can't be real. i just don't know right now noone stands up like that, not even me

    maybe i lie a little when i omit fear from my descriptions of him. maybe i want you not to be afraid, but this...this is beyond me

    i have wondered what the third generation will be after i am gone

    not long now you see

    will they view it as fun, like a game. hey let's go kick his ass, yeah, and have all sorts of blogs talking about how he dies

    then again maybe that will be how we kill him

    but can we believe that? are we better than the 'fake blogs' when we lie?

    I just don't know...i thought I was fine, now not so sure

    fucking binary, can't stand seeing it anymore
    no more binary
    no codes damn it
    it's not real

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  4. Maybe it isn't, maybe it is, but worrying about all that will only make us worse off... If the next group think they can beat him, more power to them.

    Kim says he isn't from our heads. She says he really is that much of a monster.

    Zero... We're going to be alright. If this is real, if it isn't, if we die, if we don't...

    We all lie a little. But little lies are just another way of telling the truth.

    My last name isn't Kyle, by the way. It's Domremy. There's a little truth for you to hold on to. We love you Zero, and it hurts right now, but it can't hurt forever.

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  5. I'm real. You want to know why I can approach this without fear. That's because that portion of my brain hasn't worked, at all, since I was eight. My parents told me that I was walking home from school and happened to pass under some construction. Logical conclusion goes here once I wake up at a hospital two weeks later. Nessa's here, Zero. She's alive, and I'm trying to break her from his control.

    You might not think I'm real, which is a fair opinion in your situation. And I'll be there on the Solstice.

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  6. i dont believe you fizz

    im sorry

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  7. See you on the Solstice nonetheless, Zero. Stay safe and stay alert 'til then.

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  8. Just got off the train. NOLA, baby. Heading north next. Zero, wherever you are, I'll be riding the rails to you. Just hold tight. Keep it together, man.

    Omission is not a lie. You didn't say you're scared, but you are. We all are. I can talk a good game, but... well, I'm pretty fucking petrified.

    But I can be brave. Courage is being afraid and going on anyway. So be brave. Be brave, please.

    I'll see you at the end of the train tracks.

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  9. i believe you amelia. hurry here. i do feel better. we can all still be human, and alive, not just my imagination

    if he's real, we are too...yeah.

    god its been a long day.
    bring some creme soda will you?

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  10. Remember man: we've all got faith in you. Me? No matter what, Zero, you lead, I go. You and Amelia pop one open for me and Nessa, will you?

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  11. Amelia...have you questioned your sanity too? I mean this is a war against madness after all, we're all bound to have troubles.

    @Fizz yeah. nessa....

    fuck man, i'm always crying nowadays

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  12. @zero: I haven't questioned my sanity. Not once. You start questioning that kind of thing and man, you might as well just keep going anyway.

    There's no such thing as normal. Remember that.

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  13. well, i know my luck with dice is real, first time in ages, got 4 20s.

    reassuring

    Glad to see you're stronger than me, Amelia. I know you won't lie to me.

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  14. I'll bring her back from the brink Zero. And I think after this is all done, I'm giving up the paranormal gig and looking for a quiet photography job somewhere. I've had my fill of shit that doesn't obey the same laws of reality as me.

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  15. when this shit is over, I'm becoming a Juggalo, I swear to fucking god

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  16. zero, you've got hang in there, man. If one of the Sages loses his shit, I don't know what the rest of us can do. Just take deep breaths and concentrate and what's important.

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  17. Jesus man, I know it's bad, but a Juggalo? You're about 200 IQ points too high for one of them. :P

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  18. hey, MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLes dude

    and no that's not me going insane, that's another Homestuck reference

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  19. Please tell me you did the first line with randomly placed capitalizations on purpose.

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  20. Talk to me, kid. What the fuck happened?

    I just found out through Omega that there was an attack? How many? Who's hurt? Who's dead?

    I didn't get hit by shit on my end. Had I not made a check over at Omega's, I would've never even known anything had happened.

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  21. it's intentional, as I said 'that's another Homestuck reference'

    the Juggalo troll talks with alternating caps

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  22. i've got to remember to watch those references, else people think I'm corrupted.


    not yet, guys, not yet

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  23. Thank God, zero. Just don't do that anywhere. Turned tend to type like that, and we're all on edge. If it makes you feel any better, Amelia has announced in her last update that she's on her way to you.

    Where the hell have you been, Zeke? What are your plans for the Solstice?

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  24. Plans for the Solstice? Hell, I barely have plans for Christmas, why the hell would I plan around astronomy?

    And that doesn't answer my questions.

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  25. holy fuck, Zeke, my hero!

    Three days of Hell, really. Okay shit is all metaphysical, so I'll put it in easy to believe terms

    We tried to turn a Hallowed, or partly Hallowed, as she could still type, sort of worked
    he got superpissed, and has been laying siege on people for the last few nights. I'm all safe myself, but well...this guy Redlight's been messing with my head.

    Zeke, most of this started with me speculating where Slendy comes from, I know you might think some of this stuff is bullshit and all, especially the idea of a weapon that can kill him being a simple knife, but it's what we have to go on.

    In a nutshell, if this mystery substance can affect him, as it has before, a weapon that is coated with it, can affect him too, or at least do more damage. So, that's the tool needed for the job.

    Thanks for posting Zeke, I appreciate your appearance here.

    Still a hardcore son of a bitch, man

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  26. @Zero - Oh. Homestuck is good times, though I preferred Problem Sleuth.

    @Zeke - Lots of shit's gone down this week. On the 23rd, a bunch of Fighters/Titled were attacked. Yesterday I got to weather a storm of my own, Nessa was nearly Hallowed, and after she broke free, she was put in a Labyrinth. Today, well, Nessa got Hallowed. Led a second attack on me (and sweet jumping Joseph am I the worse for wear from the past few days). I managed to capture her, trying to de-Hallow her. A fool's venture, but sensibility has never been my strong suit.

    Solstice: Zero's planning a confrontation then. He wants to take Slim Jim out while he's the most bound by our laws of reality he'll be all year.

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  27. sorry, wasn't responding to you at that time.

    Okay, the Solstice.

    Longest Night of the Year, you know. The way things are looking, he'll be more dangerous then, but ALSO more vulnerable than before as well. It's my chance to do some damage to him.

    If myself or another can say....cut an arm off, or give him a wound, it's probably going to stick. And that, good sir, can be a sign that we can kill him, that we won't tolerate his crap anymore.

    Death is a small price to pay

    and I sound like a fucking martyr again. Sheesh.

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  28. as for our tolls, uhm, Nessa is taken, probably for good.

    Reach, who is in his employ, apparently like Conaghan but wanting out, seems to be out of the loop

    and I think Jill_Running has fallen as well

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  29. god, you've got to think we're all nuts, to hear this. Ehh you might be right, but we're still going to fight him.

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  30. Don't forget, though, te 23rd is also the very same day that Jay from Marble Hornets became active again.

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  31. I thought the Solstice is the 21st? Ugh, I need an astrologist, stat!

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  32. I figured if I was going to get the actual news from anyone, it might as well be from a Sage.

    All that over losing his lunch? Jesus. He's getting tempermental.

    I don't know how much of this knife stuff I buy, but if you think it's worth a shot, I say go for it.

    I also heard something about Robert being captured? Somebody want to specify, or am I just pulling that out of my ass?

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  33. No, he was captured by ol'd slendy's proxies. Check out his blog. Whoever captured him also has taken over posting on his blog offering us "the chance to back out and live our lives". Yes, you heard that right. One of the very same asses who attacked us said we could just walka away. This sheer bullshit has been seen to be believed.

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  34. well Sir, this guy Redlight, might just be a liar, might not. Robert's sort of..well, if he's believed, he has been to where the monster is from, to learn more. Even if he hasn't, he still is a wealth of information.

    Redlight's saying that Robert's just nuts, and being kicked around for fun. He's demoralizing us, and I admit, did a good number on me an hour ago.

    I think any weapon can really do the job, not just a pocket knife. It's all very metaphysical and speculative, but we're making do with what we know.

    He *is* tempermental lately, I think that he's upset we're sort of on to him, at least in the fact that we're wanting to stand against him rather than submit nowadays.

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  35. Wait, Conaghan has a prodigee?

    ...Heheheheheheheheheh...>:D

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  36. @Zeke - Like Drew said. "Redlight" as people've taken to calling him has been trying to break people down. Trying to steal their hope, and using Nessa as an example by breaking down our most idealistic.

    Pity for him, there's a crazy white girl in Maryland who doesn't like to play by Slim Jim's rules.

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  37. well they may not be related to him specifically, Sir, however there are those that are in league with him in some degree. Rika and Reach to name two. Others aren't as confirmed

    Rika took a pipe to me the other day, not too thrilled about hitting a girl, but the time for chivalry's over.

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  38. Unlucky for him, neither do I.

    I think someone should point me to where I can find this "Redlight"...

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  39. And a crazy white boy in Illinois who also doesn't like to play by his rules. After what slimjim did to Elijah, made us to do Stephanie, as well as Sam, Josh, and Drew's mother, there's no way in hell any of my group will be taking any offers from him just on principle, aside from knowing that slim would never keep his word.

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  40. Well Sir, Redlight was posting on White Elephants,

    that's over at http://fighthimuntiltheend.blogspot.com

    he's posting under Greenlight's account (That's the name Robert took after things got cryptic and surreal)

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  41. Sorry I've been gone, guys. Phone died on its charger while I was trying to post a couple days ago, and the internet (3G) likes to slow down to a snail's pace whenever I come to one of these blogs. I only just caught up with this blog, Reach's, and Omega's so I only have a skeleton of an idea what's going on. Man. I was trying to help Reach, and I thought I was on to something, but... well, I guess my research was in vain. I've still hopes for Reach, but they're not high. Sigh... blighted crackers. Probably those crappy generic saltine ones, too.

    As you guys know, I've never really talked much about myself. Probably isn't the place to as well, so let me just say that it's been made obvious that Facewank's been around. Thing is though, I've never seen him. Not once, outside videos and images and stuff. Even look for him, but he's just not around. I live in the goddamned woods, I've been archive-binging for a solid month and a half, my phone and techology in general seem to be buggering with themselves, all these things and more should be leading him to me, right? All you guys with active blogs seem to have been attacked, but I haven't seen a person more unfriendly than a guy waving to me as he sees me walk by. Every time I look out of the window towards the treeline (which is everywhere) I expect to see him, but am greeted by nothing in particular. I have no idea why he's not stalking me like most of you guys; any speculations? All thoughts on the matter are welcome.

    P.S. Fucking magnets, how do they work?

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  42. @Zeke&Drew - Sweet, I'm not the only one. But remember, Drew: Survival first. Taunt him, sure. Get ballsy, no problem. But unless like me you absolutely had to engage, do your best not to get into a situation where you go back to the computer to post about how you got your ass soundly kicked and managed, through a string of miracles and paranoid preparations, to fend off attack.

    @Zeke - As where to find Redlight... well, the best I can offer is where Robert was last seen and work from there, if you're inclined for some travel.

    @Grey - Maybe because the more active among us like Zero, myself, Nessa, et al. have proven ourselves to be the bigger fish that need frying. If he were a raid boss, we'd be the tanks, and Nessa needs to wait out her rez timer.

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  43. @Zeke Sir, His IP can be traced, if you're wanting to really find him in person, if that's what you want, i'm sure we can do it.

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  44. THis is Ron, not Drew. Drew went home to continue a search he abandoned. zero's talk of the Solstice inspired him to courage. We decided I would stay behind to update the blog.
    Oh, I know not to engage. As a future update will detail, we learned the hard way not to engage unless we have to. Nothing as serious as Even's encounter with slendy and a trusty baseball bat, but close...

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  45. Fair enough. So long as you aren't about to go play into his hands and end up lunch, mate. ;)

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  46. Heh, I'd be a bite more than he could take, anyway.

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  47. Zero: Long overdue, but I spoke to Nessa in Binary because I think by typing in Binary, she was, in her own minor way, trying to fight him up until she fully gave in. And after, as a means of trying to reach her. It's impersonal, perhaps, but it was our window. And, in a tiny, small way, it worked on a subtle level.

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  48. To Fizzbomb: I think I see. In this case I suppose I'd be the guy running around asking for gold or something. Crawling out of the metaphor now, from what I've lerned it seems that he goes after mostly those who learn about him, especially those who drank most of those blogs out there and salted the rim with those vid series like EverymanHybrid and such. Crap, crawled into more metaphors. The point I'm trying to make is that he would normally have shown himself to me by now. Don't take me wrong, I'm grateful he hasn't as things would probably get worse from there, but the inaction's been puzzling me.

    To Zero: Go ahead and trace his IP if you'd. Like, but I don't think those are always reliable. Besides, you might find something you'll come to wish you haven't.

    To everyone: I'm getting terribly sick of seeing all this binary and not being able to understand a single bit of it. Can anyone tell me where I can find a binary-to-english thing or something?

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  49. http://www.roubaixinteractive.com/PlayGround/Binary_Conversion/Binary_To_Text.asp

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  50. @Grey: Actually, I'd think of you more as the DPS. The role the boss is least likely to focus on so long as the tank and healer are doing their thing (healers are almost always right behind tanks on DPS, unless there's a fury warrior or ret paladin in the raid ;)), though they have tools to grab the boss's attention if it focuses on the healers.

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  51. @Grey it's always been my duty to explore what shouldn't be seen.

    rest of you, get some sleep, you've put like 30 comments on my thread, you two should share IM contact info or something :P

    Night guys, sleep well, better than I will

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  52. Not behind the tanks on DPS. Behind the tanks on threat. Yay typos.

    @Zero: Psh. That would be making sense.

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  53. Man. Looks like shit is going down pretty much everywhere. Just in time for Thanksgiving for you American folks. Some sense of timing, Slendy.

    Try to stay sane, Zero. You're sounding pretty fragmented up there, although in the comments section you seem fine. Everyone needs to try and stay calm, and good luck.

    Thanks for the Binary-to-Text converter, Fizzbomb. That will come in useful, seeing as so many people seem to be speaking in it!

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  54. @Vivi (sorry, the opportunity is here, so you are the coolest Final Fantasy character ever to me) - Yeah. Seems like when Slim Jim wants to fuck up a week, he goes full hog.

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  55. I snapped out of it, it was rough for a bit. Thanks for your concern, Genevieve. Lovely name.

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  56. To Zero: As have I, my friend. Parapsychology has always been one of the few interests of mine, just above Mello Yello. That shite rocks.

    To Fizzbomb: I think DPS might stand for Damage-Per-Second, not sure. What I am sure is that you've lost me... I won't pretend to know what game or games you're referencing, but it's not any I own. Could you perhaps use different reference points?
    Also, thanks for the translator. Genevieve's right, everyblog I go those fucking zeros (not you Zero, sorry to disappoint) stare me in the face, trolling my eye-space. In the words of the great Bob Dylan, pioneer of the electric guitar: "Signs, signs, FREEZE IN HELL."

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  57. @Grey - I know. I typo'd when making the healer/tank DPS remark. And I'm referring World of Warcraft ;)

    And yeah. Like I said, though, I think that was Nessa trying to reach out. Her "laughter" is Alphabetic binary, by the way, written with an H=0 cipher (so if you pasted it into a document and retyped, it H would be 0 and A would be 1). I replied in numeric because 1) I was reaching out to her, and 2) Alphabetic binary is not my strong suit.

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  58. In the meantime, going to catch some sleep. Made sure there's no way Nessa can escape if that's what's on her mind when she wakes up, and triple-checked all three points of entry into the basement. Gonna reinforce the barricades at the doors. See you all tomorrow with an update on Nessa's condition.

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  59. @Fizzbomb: Vivi. That's..cute. I think I'll keep it. The Manorexic has really been pulling out all the stops.

    @Zero: No problem and thanks. We Slenderbloggers have to look out for each other.

    @Grey: "trolling my eyespace". Fantastic choice of words.

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  60. Ha! Your all so cute.
    Zero you might as well join us. There's no stopping it.

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  61. Thank you, Genevieve. You've my permission to use that phrase if you'd like, as can everyone else - if they compliment it first, like you just did.

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  62. Hey RK, do you check your messages before you submit them? You used the wrong your/you're, and those things kind of bother me.

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  63. You tried to turn a hallowed Zero?

    Shall I tell you why you failed?

    The Construct (Start using that title guys, he had less power when we did)

    The Construct does not use magic to turn us. Too easy. No, the human mind is fully capable of being warped and twisted using more mundane means.

    He plays his usual games, breaking our hold on reality. Then when he has us at our worst, he gives us what we want.

    Or failing that, playing your greatest flaws like a 5 star harpist.

    Truth, power, recognition, peace and quiet. He gives us the out we desire most. He CONVINCES us to listen. And thats all it is. a voice. a comforting voice.

    But what has been made, can be unmade.

    I cannot say thier name, for the construct will find them if I do.

    But THEY found me. they searched long and hard while I wore the mask.

    Then it began. Tied me to a chair. Beat me (No small feat I assure you.)
    Tortured me.

    They had to break through the rage first before getting at the gooey center. They had to break me first.
    But I resisted. I was stronger than they expected. they had to use drastic measures.

    Electrocution hurts.

    I wont......go into detail.

    Words. Psychology. They turned my words around. Made me doubt. Made me.....

    Old Pictures. my Dog. happier times.........

    My Identity. They Gave it back. they showed me what I lost. They made me see me.

    I'm Rushing. I apologize. Proxies following me. They think I haven't noticed.

    You must be cruel Zero. You must break them first. Then give them back what they lost. What he took from them. Pick those well versed in psychology. Pick those who can stomach being a monster to heal others. Pick those with a strong stomach because they will beg and plead and cry and try to take advantage of your kidness.

    you must be hard. You must break them first.

    Give them back what they lost. Or make them See the truth.

    Use his(Construct) own tricks against them.

    And beware. He has too many to look for now. He cannot be subtle. He cannot use finess.

    But when he concentrates, he will use your family and friends. Your neighbors and lovers.

    You must be cruel.

    Now if you excuse me, I need to go blow some steam.


    They still think I haven't noticed them.


    AHAAAJAAJAHAHAAHAHAHH AAHAHAHAH BUahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHARGH!

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  64. I just realized billboards are a good place to hide out. assuming you have a railing to keep you from falling off of it when you sleep

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  65. Hey, that's a good one. Need to file that away in case I have to take Nessa and go on the run.

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  66. Hey, Grey, give me some credit here. I eat only the finest TUC crackers, thank you very much.

    And don't count me out just yet, Zero. He'll get bored of using me like a puppet eventually but the problem for him is that now that he's changed me, he can't unchange me. And I know things.

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  67. @Reach - Glad to see you're still fighting him off, mate. Any advice as to how to break Nessa free? I figure, if I can keep any Proxies, and Snack Attack himself from getting to her for a few days she should show some kind of improvement, but I'm not sure where to go from there.

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  68. Billboards. Huh. I'll text Chester and tell him that one, there are billboards all over the place.

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