Friday, November 26, 2010


I think I might be taking a few days off, things got so intense here for a bit.  All sorts of people started showing up, people passed out titles like candy, and things got unbelievable.

I'm going to try to see through all these things I've said and considered over the last few weeks, to try to find the truth of the matter.  There's truth in there somewhere, I just need to sift it out from the garbage.

First piece of garbage, Astral Projection  - Yes I've tried to meditate, in hopes to figure out what to do, it's gotten me nowhere.  It was a worthwhile thought, but its beyond me, you won't hear me mention it again.  I regret the arrogance I had to even consider that I could do something that supernatural.

Second piece of business - Not necessarily garbage, but I want to talk about the titles we use.  They're a symbol, that's a powerful thing, but that's all they are.  It's a representation of what we want to see, but we're also seeing a lot of them now, and to be fair, I've doled out a few myself, because I felt someone needed to see themselves more than just a scared Runner, fleeing a monstrosity.  However, having so many people out there, donning monikers like superheroes sort of dilutes the concept.  So while I am still here, for a few more weeks, I'm going to stop using all of them, in hopes maybe others will do the same.

Third piece of business - Conduits.  This isn't an attack on anyone, Will, but I wanted to voice my thoughts on it.  I admit, I've got good luck, heck, I named my blog after that belief!  But the idea of super powers, tapping into either the monster's power, or our own or whatever, maybe that's not as real as I've thought it is.  Don't delude yourself into thinking you can do more than you can.  I do feel we have potential to do more than what we see before us!  But let's not lie to ourselves more than we need to, to survive a monster.  If you really can do something, sure, whatever, I can't verify it, and if I assume you're lying to me, well maybe I won't bring it up anymore.

Fourth piece of business - The Solstice, it still stands.  I'm still going to believe in this, and in Robert's analysis.  It may lead to nothing, probably won't hear from me again.  Doesn't matter.  I'm losing screws daily now.

Fifth piece of business - Greenlight.  Don't care if he's mad or not, he's my friend, and I have to merit his words, even if he's never been anything more than a man lost in his own mind.  The lesson here, is to judge for yourself what is real and what is not.  I can't tell you what's real.  Let your own common sense flow.  Now, as an alternative advocate's point of view,  words still have power.  This is a major premise of the Core Theory.
I'm going to use a lot more discretion before I start voicing theories from now on, because I haven't guarded my tongue, and look where that got us?

Sixth piece of business - As such, I have to revoke the promise of  full disclosure.  I am sorry, I really am, but I've been a fool these last few weeks, talking about things with such candor. 

Seventh piece of business - I think I've accidentally, in this....grotesque mockery of life that I've been a part of lately, I think I've accidentally pushed people away from me that I respect.  I won't name names, but I will say now, that I hope to set myself right, explore this mythos in the proper way from now on, without comments that envision superheroics and impossible goals.  So to those of you, who I have hoped to......garner a sense of approval from, I am deeply sorry.

Last piece of business - Attitudes.  I'm unsure about this.  I know that we're less afraid of him, at least those that are sort of 'in the circle' as it were.  But do not be stupid about it.  I think we need to dial back our 'let's kick him in the junk' comments.  Enthusiasm is very good, but not to the point of reckless suicide.  Most of us are afraid, and it is alright to be afraid.  I said this before, but noone seemed to hear me.  It's alright to be afraid, it lets you know you're still sane,

As for me, I'm considering leaving this hideout and seeing if my apartment's still there.  I need to sort out what's real, and that means shedding some of this paranoia.  Watchfulness will remain, however. I'm not going to go out and 'derp derp derp, tall guy watching me, herp derp'.  I am going to go home, and find some reality in my life, maybe even watch TV for the first time in a month. 

I ask you all to examine your lives, toss aside the delusions you may have, without a word of acknowledgment and continue on your paths.

Thank you for reading

M, Zeke, and the ones I consider friends whom I have never met.   I'm straightening things up today, I hope I can make one of you proud.


  1. I feel a giant weight lifting off of me now, I am so glad I posted this.

    I think I can find my way now. I'm actually smiling. I'll beat my demons, maybe a monster now, that I'm getting stronger finally.

  2. This is a wonderful amount of sensibility to see from you.

    You're not so bad after all.
    And you like MSPA as well, so you win points there too.

    Good luck in your endeavors, Zero.

  3. Thank you Danny. I'm just so embarrassed by some of my previous...endeavors. I'd love to just say it was madness or stress working against me, but I think I just wanted to be someone more, you know? Someone who could actually save people.

    That stuff with Nessa is a prime example. He toyed with me again, baited us thinking we could win someone back with simple typed text.

    And I fell for it.

    Danny, you want to be the little angel on my shoulder, give me a smack if I start talking bizarre again? :D

  4. Oh, I know all about stress issues. Believe me.

    Don't worry, it's cool, and I understand. I've got your back if you want me to.

  5. When we look to fight the supernatural...I suppose it's only normal that some look to the supernatural itself to fend it off.

    Sadly, this is earth, and humans don't, and probably never will work that way.

    It's for the best, though. The sooner you ground yourself, the less likely he is to take you.
    At least, that's what I think.

    Nd'Nessa...I guess she was too hopeful for her own good. I think he took great pleasure in that.

  6. I can promise you I'll be pulling back on the cowboy bravado leading up to the Solstice. It was all well and good when I only had myself to worry about, because I'm confident in my ability to stay alive. But I've got someone else I'm responsible for, so maybe it's time to remember the basic rules in any survival manual and put survival and preparation first, and taunts and bravado can come after we've beaten this thing.

    See you on the Solstice, mate, and as usual, the three S's: Stay sharp, Stay smart, Stay safe.

  7. @Fizz You got it

    @Shiloh well, he's a sick evil bastard. Of course he did. Poor Nessa....

  8. Hey Zero.
    I...hope you aren't mad. my last comment here.
    I'll be burning my blog soon.
    My last farewell. So to speak.
    However, this isn't the last you'll see of me.

    I'll be joining the normal world again. After the Solstice, hopefully everyone can do the same.

    Stay safe, my dear friend

  9. I don't get why, though, Nessa wants the blogs gone because we're making an impact, if...misguided at times.

    If you gotta go, that's cool, dawg. but don't be a stranger, you're a great guy, maybe it IS better for you to get out before shit gets nasty for you.

    I'm not mad, but I will lament your absence.

  10. Titles Gone, Robert Gone, New Beginnings
    Hey guys, Jeff Here.
    I just got back from the festivities of Turkey Day.
    To find this. To find everything has gone so wrong.
    Nessa, I'm so sorry.

    Zero. My dear friend.
    I'm going to be real here.
    For everyone I know.
    I relinquish my title.
    Not like I ever needed it.

    This is my last blog post.
    I'll be leaving you here.
    But it isn't my last farewell.
    I'll be watching from the sidelines.

    Knowledge was my best strength.
    It has served me well.
    But it's become too dangerous.
    I must let go.

    Last order of business.
    Destruction of the Blog.
    At least I'll be able to fulfill Nessa's last wish.
    It's going down in three hours.
    I'll say my goodbyes in that time.

    To all the fighters and bloggers.
    You know who you all are.
    I have much to say to you all:

    I give you my gratitude.
    I give you my hope and strength.
    And my last parting gift:

    I believe in all of you.
    Those who have proceeded me,
    and those who will surpass me,
    you will do what you must.

    I wish you all safe passage.
    And I know you will all come back.



    Fizz, do what you do best honey. Keep Nessa and yourself safe.

    Jean, my sweet Brit, keep that chin up. You've done so well.

    Zeke, you know what you like to do.

    M, stay safe. Nothing else to be said for you.

    Nessa, my fair maiden, you'll be back to normal in no time.

    Zero, you find your solace before the battle. You deserve it.

    Amelia, my dear, make sure to take care yourself and Zero.

    Maduin, you have so far impressed me with your recklessness. Stay safe.

    Rose and Lilly, stay safe, keep each other safe.

    Sandra, Lya, Matt- You have my thanks and gratitude for being some of the bravest of us through the years. I wish I could have met you.

    Jack Tyler and Stephanie- Keep that chin up, Mr. Tyler, as well as you Stephanie, as you both have been so strong during this time. You'll make it.

    Nothing can be said about you as good as this:
    Resolve in a man towards a personal duty has never been in such high amounts as they are in you, dear friend.

    The Conduit, as you call yourself. Do what you can.

    The others:
    You all know who you are if you have contacted me.
    I wish you the best of luck. Not like any of you need it.
    You are all glorious fighters and gatherers of intelligence.
    You all have capable hands and hearts.
    Do what is best for this world.
    You know what I mean.

    (Blog Burn: 10:11:45 PST)