I think I might be taking a few days off, things got so intense here for a bit. All sorts of people started showing up, people passed out titles like candy, and things got unbelievable.
I'm going to try to see through all these things I've said and considered over the last few weeks, to try to find the truth of the matter. There's truth in there somewhere, I just need to sift it out from the garbage.
First piece of garbage, Astral Projection - Yes I've tried to meditate, in hopes to figure out what to do, it's gotten me nowhere. It was a worthwhile thought, but its beyond me, you won't hear me mention it again. I regret the arrogance I had to even consider that I could do something that supernatural.
Second piece of business - Not necessarily garbage, but I want to talk about the titles we use. They're a symbol, that's a powerful thing, but that's all they are. It's a representation of what we want to see, but we're also seeing a lot of them now, and to be fair, I've doled out a few myself, because I felt someone needed to see themselves more than just a scared Runner, fleeing a monstrosity. However, having so many people out there, donning monikers like superheroes sort of dilutes the concept. So while I am still here, for a few more weeks, I'm going to stop using all of them, in hopes maybe others will do the same.
Third piece of business - Conduits. This isn't an attack on anyone, Will, but I wanted to voice my thoughts on it. I admit, I've got good luck, heck, I named my blog after that belief! But the idea of super powers, tapping into either the monster's power, or our own or whatever, maybe that's not as real as I've thought it is. Don't delude yourself into thinking you can do more than you can. I do feel we have potential to do more than what we see before us! But let's not lie to ourselves more than we need to, to survive a monster. If you really can do something, sure, whatever, I can't verify it, and if I assume you're lying to me, well maybe I won't bring it up anymore.
Fourth piece of business - The Solstice, it still stands. I'm still going to believe in this, and in Robert's analysis. It may lead to nothing, probably won't hear from me again. Doesn't matter. I'm losing screws daily now.
Fifth piece of business - Greenlight. Don't care if he's mad or not, he's my friend, and I have to merit his words, even if he's never been anything more than a man lost in his own mind. The lesson here, is to judge for yourself what is real and what is not. I can't tell you what's real. Let your own common sense flow. Now, as an alternative advocate's point of view, words still have power. This is a major premise of the Core Theory.
I'm going to use a lot more discretion before I start voicing theories from now on, because I haven't guarded my tongue, and look where that got us?
Sixth piece of business - As such, I have to revoke the promise of full disclosure. I am sorry, I really am, but I've been a fool these last few weeks, talking about things with such candor.
Seventh piece of business - I think I've accidentally, in this....grotesque mockery of life that I've been a part of lately, I think I've accidentally pushed people away from me that I respect. I won't name names, but I will say now, that I hope to set myself right, explore this mythos in the proper way from now on, without comments that envision superheroics and impossible goals. So to those of you, who I have hoped to......garner a sense of approval from, I am deeply sorry.
Last piece of business - Attitudes. I'm unsure about this. I know that we're less afraid of him, at least those that are sort of 'in the circle' as it were. But do not be stupid about it. I think we need to dial back our 'let's kick him in the junk' comments. Enthusiasm is very good, but not to the point of reckless suicide. Most of us are afraid, and it is alright to be afraid. I said this before, but noone seemed to hear me. It's alright to be afraid, it lets you know you're still sane,
As for me, I'm considering leaving this hideout and seeing if my apartment's still there. I need to sort out what's real, and that means shedding some of this paranoia. Watchfulness will remain, however. I'm not going to go out and 'derp derp derp, tall guy watching me, herp derp'. I am going to go home, and find some reality in my life, maybe even watch TV for the first time in a month.
I ask you all to examine your lives, toss aside the delusions you may have, without a word of acknowledgment and continue on your paths.
Thank you for reading
M, Zeke, and the ones I consider friends whom I have never met. I'm straightening things up today, I hope I can make one of you proud.